Free-Flying Bear

Green Smoothies (or "You're eating what???")

2010-10-21T23:59:00.001-04:00

Blame it on my cross country coach, Coach Woodward. The guy was a madman who (we believed) ate dog food for breakfast and bullets for lunch. He never seemed happy or satisfied, always on the edge of anger, and more than a little on the crazy side. In other words, he was the perfect cross-country coach. He pushed us with an insatiable drive to go farther and faster, doing what we previously thought was impossible. I'll forever hear his words echoing in my mind: "Don't be a sissy!", "Don't be my whippin' boy!"

Believe it or not, we all survived, and I think we all learned something about pushing ourselves beyond what we thought was possible. That's a valuable lesson: to look at your limit, and be willing to see what lies beyond it. And although I don't think we should be driven by fear or intimidation, there is some value in having that little voice echoing in your head, "Don't be a sissy!". Long before any psychologists came up with the term "dialectic", Coach Woodward taught us the concept of "I've done the best I can, AND I must do better." I credit the insanity of my old cross country coach for several things in my life which I may not have thought possible, and which others questioned how I could do them. Even the words "cancer care-giver" seem so light and easy to say, but for anyone who's been there, they know there are some HUGE mountains that get crossed. Far bigger than a measly six mile run in the rain. Hah - sissy stuff!

I was confronted by that brute force intimidation recently when reading, of all things, a nutrition book on smoothies. I've been a fan of smoothies for years now, enjoying how easy they make it for anybody to get in your fruits. But vegetables... that's a different story. The conventional wisdom is that you "blend fruits, but have to juice or cook vegetables". I learned that early on from some bad experiments I tried, and reading one of my favorite health gurus who admitted, "Green smoothies are nearly impossible to get down." Ever look over the menu at Smoothie King? You'll see about every fruit available, but hardly a single veggie. And yet there is so much talk about the nutritional value of raw vegetables. Sure, we can make salads, salads, and more salads, but that gets old. And when I looked at my Vitamix, I felt constrained by that wall: fruits only. Well, carrots, and possibly even the occasional tomato. But that's it. "Green Smoothies" was an alien concept...

Until this past week. I came across the book "The Green Smoothies Diet", and once again, I heard my old cross country coach slamming me with "Don't be a sissy! Don't be a whippin' boy!" Only this time I heard that voice coming through this book on green smoothies. And perhaps this time, a bit softer and more encouraging. This author seemed confident that green smoothies, done right, were entirely possible and enjoyable. So, we made a trip to the grocery store, collected what we needed, and brought it home for the grand experiment. I whipped it all together, took a sip, and to my amazement, thought -- "This is ENTIRELY doable. I can DO this!" And within five minutes had downed my first green smoothie, containing about 15 servings of veggies.

Now for anyone scoffing at the need for such nutritional obsession, I'll forego the tons of arguments, other than to say, you just need to view your body as a machine. Would you buy a porsche, bring it home and pour ketchup in the fuel tank? I don't think so. But for those already sold on the need for better health & nutrition, I heartily recommend this book: Green Smoothies Diet by Robyn Openshaw.

In it, the author gives several great ideas & tips for overcoming obstacles, and making this entirely doable. I've never read it so clearly, and am excited about where this can go. And once again, I'm that scrawny 15-year old, bent over in the rain and gasping for air at the end of a six-mile run, and looking up at my crazy Coach Woodward, hearing him say those priceless words, "See - I knew you could do it."

Hitting 40

2010-09-11T13:23:00.001-04:00

I’m just weeks from hitting the big 40, and like clockwork, I am feeling anxiety about my life knocking on my door. Questions about what I’ve accomplished, how much time I have left, and what is yet to be accomplished…

Unlike your stereotypical MLC (mid-life-crisis) victim, I feel no need to go out and buy a sports car. What haunts me is TIME…that one chance to go back to school, forestalled by parenting responsibilities that seem to only increase as one crisis follows another. Watching the years fly by so fast, as the window of opportunity grows smaller and smaller…

Arts & Crafts

2010-09-11T13:08:00.001-04:00

My bride at work on the front porch, one early spring morning.

Love seeing her in my old jacket…

(This is actually a test of Windows Live Writer)

A Price Too High to Pay

2009-11-12T15:34:00.002-05:00

I went to the gym to work out today, and as I got on the treadmill, I got quite a shock. I started out at a slow speed and glanced at the TV monitor which was playing a commercial with a woman lying in what appeared to be a hospital bed. She was not saying anything, but had this deep, sad expression that words just could not describe. The camera then went to a man sitting next to her bed (both of them looked to be in their 40's). He also did not say anything, but had this grieved look of helplessness on his face. The camera then faded to black, with these words:

"Losing everything because you don't have healthcare is a price too high to pay."

That hit me like a brick wall and I just about lost it right there. I immediately looked away with a tight grimace and forced myself to think of something else before I broke down.

Meanwhile, just out of earshot, I'm sure one trainer leaned to the other and said something like, "Wow – that guy must really be out of shape. He's just warming up and he's already about to puke."

Avoiding the Weak

2009-09-18T17:44:00.004-04:00

"Research released this week in the American Journal of Public Health estimates that 45,000 deaths per year in the United States are associated with the lack of health insurance."

Be strong. Be brave. Don't let that number, 45000, get to you, because it does not apply to you. You have insurance, you are covered, so you have nothing to worry about. Your mother is insured, your children are insured, and those 45,000 people are...well, OTHER people. Not US. We have to be strong, to remain unmoved by such numbers. Focus on what is important: your out of pocket expenses, and how they would SURELY go up if we brought the millions of uninsured under the safe umbrella of coverage. Think about yourself having to wait in lines. You hate waiting, right? Remember that. And be strong. Throughout history, it was the strong who survived, those with assets, who knew how to hang onto them. When the Titanic went down, most of the lifeboats were only half occupied. Those inside were too cold, scared, and traumatized to risk their safety to pull any others into their boats. More people would have meant more risk to the survivors, so they braced themselves and were strong. They ignored the cries of those left in the frigid waters until those cries faded away. And they survived until the morning, when the Carpathia arrived. They survived because they were strong, and they focused on themselves, instead of those weak people in the water. Now is your chance to also be strong, and just focus on yourself. 1,517 people died that night (much less than the 45,000 that die each year due to being uninsured), but the strong survived. And you will survive too, because you are a survivor.

Right?

Matthew 25:36

Our Milgram Experiment

2009-01-24T12:52:00.004-05:00

We like to think we are good people. Relatively speaking, we certainly are. There's always someone we can point to who is worse than us.

But then someone like Stanley Milgram comes along, and says things that upset us. You probably heard about this in your freshman psychology class: Stanley Milgram was the Yale psychologist who did a famous/infamous experiment in the early '60s, showing that we're not quite as good as we like to think we are. In the experiment, a student was instructed to push buttons delivering various levels of pain to another student, out of sight in another room, based on how they answered questions. It was supposed to be a "learning" experiment, but the truth was that it was testing whether a student was willing to torture another person. In reality, no-one was actually getting hurt, that was really an actor in another room. But the student did not know that. He just knew that he was told to push button #3, he did so, and a cry of pain came through the intercom.

Invariably, the student would proceed to push those buttons when instructed to do so. The whole test was to see how easily the human conscience could be "turned off", when we hand over the responsibility for our actions, whether they be right and wrong, to someone in authority over us.

Don't be so shocked - we're all susceptible to gradual compromise of our morals. It becomes easy when someone in authority over us is pushing us to compromise. And the bottom falls out when our community around us is pressuring us to do so.

I think of the church in Germany between 1935-1942. Where were they? What were they doing? What about the church in the American south during the slavery years? Where were they? What were they thinking?

It's all about gradual compromise. You've heard the analogy: if you drop a frog into a pot of boiling water, he will immediately jump out. But if you drop him into a pot of lukewarm water, then gradually turn up the heat, degree by degree, he will end up boiling to death, because he never realizes a drastic difference. He slowly adjusts to the warmer and warmer temperature, until he dies.

Could that happen to us?

What if you found out the government had been spying on you for the past 6 months, not because of anything you've done, but because of the church you go to. What if they had been recording your phone calls, with no search warrant. What if they snatched you out of your car one night, and flew you off to another country, where you were tortured. Yes, tortured. With no arrest warrant, no proof of evidence, not trial by peers, no conviction, and no release? Shocking? It has all happened under American authority.

That's what we've come to. The frog is floating belly-up in the pot of boiling water, victim of a gradual errosion of rights, all in the name of the "war on terror".

But you say that would never happen to us! That is only done to terror suspects. The really bad guys who deserve it. Right?

And it's all OK, because...it's...them...not us...them. You know, "them". As in, the muslims. Or the poles. Or the jews. In fact, why don't we just make this simpler and put stars on them, so they are easier to identify.

I speak as a "conservative Christian", a member of the evangelistic church movement. There were, of course, many who did recognize the warning signs, and protested loudly (my sister being one). But many of us in the church sat back, trusting in the president as a wise man of faith and convictions, saying we should let him do his work with our full trust. That was me. I was there.

And you know what the scary thing is? Not just that it happened, but that we let it happen. We didn't question it. We aquiesced, accepted the reasons. Since when is there a just reason for suspending constitutional rights? Since when can we justify dropping constitutional protection from people? Since when are there people who don't qualify for those protections? Isn't that how the germans justified their treatment of the jews? "They're not part of us. It doesn't matter what happens to them."

We let this happen. Even though many of us disagreed with it, what did we do to stop it? I even found myself at times afraid to open my mouth, stir up argument, for fear of being labeled or ridiculed. We're afraid to think for ourselves, recognize when the government has gone too far, and to speak out.

And as my children study history, seeing the shameful mistakes of our past, I'm not so sure we can say it is all behind us. If we so casually accepted the notion of torture being done by Americans, what else are we capable of? As President Obama rolls back many of the compromises made over the past several years, we realize just how far we've come. For a moment, we find ourselves as that college student in the experiment...who just pushed the button. Now we have a taste of what we are capable of, so what will we do?

Living Out the True Meaning of Our Creed

2009-01-17T23:18:00.002-05:00

I'll admit, I didn't vote for Obama, as I don't see him standing on the right side of the abortion issue. But there is one thing that does bring joy to my heart this week. Having grown up in the south, much of that time in racially divided towns, I grew up with my own minor demons to deal with. To this day, I have to work hard to not see people through the lens of race.
But as I look at this milestone in our nations history, I feel a joyful contentment. Our children will grow up in a land where truly anyone (any man at least) can become president. Amazing. I grew up knowing that THAT top rung of the ladder was always there; not that I ever expected to climb that high myself, but I always knew there was no ceiling imposed on my ambitions. And yet all my childhood, I also knew that the other half of the population, those who didn't have my skin color, did not have such an opportunity. Sure, technically, legally, anyone could become president, but the facts on the ground spoke something different. And now, for the first time, the playing field has become level.
That makes such a huge difference for young men growing up - to know that anything is truly possible. Although Obama is a flawed man, like the rest of us, this milestone brings a change for everyone. Our nation will not be the same, and I believe we will be a better people for this.

Wish List

2008-11-26T08:36:00.003-05:00

Well the holidays are upon us, and everyone enjoys that. Probably the only part of the holidays that everyone dislikes is to see them go, and I'm no exception. Seeing the holidays pass is a bit depressing, as it's a reminder of time, and life, passing before my eyes. How many more Thanksgivings will I have? Even if I have 50 more, will that final one arrive in the blink of an eye, to find myself in a nursing home, wondering where the years have gone? Aging scares me, growing old scares me. I want to live a full life, and I fear missing out on life. So to confront that fear head on, I've made my own "bucket list" - the top things I want to accomplish during my time on this earth. I don't know if I'll accomplish all these things, but I believe that knowing I was actively pursuing them should give me some contentment. I believe we were all created for a purpose, and so far as I can tell, my own ministry is investing in the lives of young men, to point them on the straight & narrow path (my own "calling", if you will). But beyond that are several smaller things, little points that tease my heart. They are (in no particular order):

Join a band (whether orchestral, church, jam, whatever)
Sing in a choir
Travel (Hawaii, Ireland, Italy, Israel)
Become a *good* cook
Write one book for my kids

Volunteer for hospice

Dance, and become good at it.

Go backpacking in the mountains

Live near the water

I'm sure I'll think of more later, but right now, that's what I'm looking at.

Two Feet of Topsoil

2008-10-28T18:24:00.002-04:00

I recently heard someone describing "the blues" as a funny twist of sad lyrics with an upbeat tune, such that you start with the sad story, but you can't help but walk away feeling better.

I was reminded of that while listening to Brad Paisley's "Two Feet of Topsoil". To start off with, yep, it's a breakup song; his girl done left him. But everything else about it is so FUN. It's definitely country, with a fast-paced twang, but it also seems to meet the definition of "blues". Just read these lyrics:

Two Feet of Topsoil by Brad Paisley

Yesterday I thought that I was low as I could get
I had hit rock bottom
ever since you up and left
But this morning when I saw with somebody else,
well needless to say
That's when I started sinkin' even lower
And as far as where I'm at today
Well, There's two feet of topsoil
A little bit of bedrock, limestone in between
A fossilized dinosaur
A little patch of crude oil
A thousand feet of granite underneath
Then there's me
I was kinda hopin' I could dig my way back out
A couple dozen roses maybe get you back somehow
But the love in your eyes as you talked to him today
was plain to see
So I ain't gonna get involved, but should you
change your mind
Well you know right where I'll be
Well, There's two feet of topsoil
A little bit of bedrock, limestone in between
A fossilized dinosaur
A little patch of crude oil
A thousand feet of granite underneath
Then there's me

Embrace

2008-10-13T19:42:00.003-04:00

"A fool bailed out never learns..."

2008-10-01T18:19:00.005-04:00

Why is our country in this financial mess? You could point to lots of fat-cats at the top, but beneath all of that is a host of foolish credit decisions at the grass-roots level. People buying more than they can afford, and banks trying to get rich off of them.

Do we have the money to resolve this mess? Of course not. The country does not have $700 billion sitting in some account.

So how are we trying to get out of this mess? The same way we fund the war in Iraq, resolve social security, and deal with a host of other issues: we hand the bill over to our children (in the form of national debt), and proclaim victory. We are handing them a truly massive load of debt that they will be no more able to pay than we are. What kind of victory is that?

A bailout (READ: borrow debt our children will have to repay) is not the answer. The answer is we need to do the right thing for once: acknowledge the truth, that we are in this mess because of poor financial decisions, start taking responsibility, tighten our belts, and endure the pain. Let poorly run companies fail. The economy may suffer, but the market will eventually correct itself. Just as it always has. And it's the natural "fires" that burn away the waste, leaving a stronger, healthier system in their place.

The scariest part of all of this is the denial of responsibility on the national level. If we can not recognize our responsibility for getting into this mess, then how can we hope to resolve it?
We must deal with the mess, instead of just footing the bills onto our children. They already have far more of a mess headed their way than they can afford.

Todd Agnew

2008-09-30T18:50:00.002-04:00

The more I hear of Todd Agnew's music, the more I like it. This guy is amazingly real, and his lyrics are so nitty-gritty, you'll find yourself stopping and asking, "Did he really just say that?" And then there's that deep, penetrating voice. As one reviewer described it, "This guy is not background music. You just can't ignore his singing."

If You Wanted Me

I'll admit I'm glad we're not disciples
Out on a lake paralyzed with fright
Cause I'm afraid I might have laughed at Peter
Until he stepped into that stormy night
If You wanted me to walk on water
Why'd You make the solid ground seem so right?

And I'll admit I'm glad I'm not King David
Ruling over everything I see
Cause I think I've fallen for more than Bathsheba
Your creation's a temptation for me
And if You wanted me to love You only
Why'd you make the moonlight sparkle in her eyes?

I'll admit I'm glad I'm not John the Baptist
In a jail cell waiting for my day to die
Cause at least down here I know what we're chasing
And it's hard to trust Your dreams are so much better than mine
But if You wanted me to die to myself
Why'd You make me fall so deeply in love with life?

If You wanted me to surrender
Why'd You make these hands able to hold on so tight?
So tight?
And if You wanted me to be like You
Why'd You make me like me?

One Hungry Nation

2008-09-25T13:42:00.003-04:00

For any fans of Clark Howard out there, he made a great point in today's radio program: our country is focused on government and big business as the cause (and fix) for our country's financial problems. But it's really about us, individually. We are a country of people that are always hungry for more, more clothes, better cars, and bigger houses. We got into this mess simply because we spend more than we earn. And the only way we'll get out of this mess is if we, individually, turn that around and only spend what we earn.

Hey - maybe my old car can make it another year.

"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get." anon

Fireproof

2008-09-12T18:33:00.001-04:00

Parenting Lesson #584 (Roach Trap)

2008-09-09T22:39:00.006-04:00

Call me a slow learner, but after 16 years of parenting, I am still figuring things out. For instance, take today's lesson (#584): "Never, ever, ever make a bet with your child, unless you want to lose money." It seems that most children see proving a parent wrong as the most lofty pursuit of their time...

Here's the setup: We had a roach problem on our back deck. Too much cat food left out too many nights had led up to a bit of a problem with the nasty little beasties. I had been wondering what to do about them, hoping there might be a more safe & friendly solution than the traditional poison route. So, without thinking much of it, I told the kids that I would offer a reward for whoever came up with a roach trap. The reward was simple: Leave the trap out overnight, and you get $1 for every roach trapped by morning. I didn't know what they would come up with, but I was thinking, oh, maybe one or two roaches, if they are lucky.

DD/10 came to me the next morning, quite excited at her accomplishment. What she did was quite simple: Just set out an empty peanut butter container with cat food in it, and leave the lid just cracked across the top. It worked. Boy, did it work. When she had finally killed (gassed) and counted her quarry, the total was...66.

That little girl just cost me $66! I don't know what shocked me more: that her simplistic trap was so phenomenally successful, or that she had so easily conned me out of so much money.

(sigh)

So, take it from me folks: never, ever bet your child with money, even if it's for a noble cause, like achieving some goal or raising their grades. They will bilk you out of your last penny, without the least bit of guilt. After all, they have no loftier pursuit of their time.

Technical note: For those curious as to how it worked, I have to assume that they could easily climb up the side of the glass with the label, but once inside, the combination of smooth glass and the curve of the upper lip made it too difficult to get out. On the other hand, DD/10 believes they were just too happy with that catfood to even bother trying to leave.

Mrs. Smith Goes to Washington

2008-09-05T18:00:00.009-04:00

Listen to the democrats this week, and you'll hear moaning about Sarah Palin as the folksy "hockey mom" who just doesn't have the credentials for high office.

I agree, she certainly doesn't have the resume that, say, a Joe Biden may have. But is that so bad? Imagine...a true outsider suddenly thrown into the white house (and just one heartbeat from the Big Seat, no less!). What would that look like?

Perhaps a little like Mr. Smith Goes to Washington?

Remember, this is a government "of the people, by the people, for the people",
not "of the lawyers, by the politicians, for the lobbyists". Regardless of her politics, I think our government would do well to get an infusion of truly fresh new blood, someone who really is just, what, 18 months? from a small town. Yes, I'm liking this.

Tough Math

2008-09-04T13:34:00.006-04:00

Georgia high schools are implementing a new math curriculum this year, which is causing a bit of a stir. Unlike the prior approach of teachers spending all their time in front of the class-room, they are starting to do more "collaborative learning", which involves students breaking into groups and working through problems together. The teacher does still spend time teaching at the front of the room, and most of the grade is based on individual work, but the collaborative part of it is new for most students and parents. And many were not happy. Last night the school held a meeting for parents of freshmen to discuss these changes, and the parents were not very happy. There seemed to be an the endless stream of complaints from disgruntled parents about how difficult the new approach was for their children.

Now I'm no education expert so I am not in a position to say which is the best approach to teaching, but I do believe a good challenge is sometimes just what we need. I don't think it's a coincidence that it was the generation that took the beaches of Normandy that also put a man on the moon.

As I think about these youth, I realize THIS is the generation which will establish a permanent colony on the moon. They will be the ones to make a manned mission to Mars possible, and, God-willing, they will be the first ones to finally celebrate a cure for cancer.

Either our children will stretch themselves to meet challenges such as those presented by this new curriculum, or they will sit back and watch CNN as Taiwan and India claim those prizes. I, for one, am willing to struggle with my daughter as we calculate how much fencing Claire needs for her oddly-shaped garden. It's worth it.

"I don't believe in the no-win scenario."

2008-09-01T12:35:00.017-04:00

The scene was pretty grim – Captain Kirk, well, actually Admiral Kirk, now, and the rest of the landing party were trapped in a cave beneath the surface of a barren planet. The Enterprise was long gone, and it looked like all hope was lost. One of the members of the party, a young lieutenant, Saavik, who had just graduated from Starfleet Academy, took this time to ask the old admiral something that had been bugging her. It was about the “Kobayashi Maru”, a special test they gave in the academy for which there was no good solution to the problem. The test was graded on how well you lost.

Saavik: "Sir, may I ask you a question?"
Kirk: "What's on your mind, Lieutenant?"
Saavik: "The Kobayashi Maru, sir."
Kirk: "Are you asking me if we're playing out that scenario now?"
Saavik: "On the test, sir. Will you tell me what you did? I would really like to know."
McCoy: "Lieutenant, you are looking at the only Starfleet cadet who ever beat the no-win scenario."
Saavik: "How?"
Kirk: "I reprogrammed the simulation so it was possible to rescue the ship."
Saavik: "What?"
David: "He cheated."
Kirk: "I changed the conditions of the test. Got a commendation for original thinking. I don't like to lose."
Saavik: Then you never faced that situation. Faced death.
Kirk: I don't believe in the no-win scenario.

At that moment, Kirk’s communicator beeped, and Spock’s familiar voice came through: “We’re ready to pick you up , sir.” The look of shock was evident on everyone’s face, as it became clear that Kirk had a rescue plan worked out all along. As they dissolved into the transporter beam, Kirk looked at Saavik and repeated, “I don’t like to lose.”

Wow. That was a fantastic scene, the kind that made Star Trek fans want to jump out of their seats and start cheering. The year was 1982 and the movie was “Star Trek II: The Wrath of the Khan”.

So, why do I bring this up? Well, fast forward 25 years to 2007. Dr. Randy Pausch, A university professor at Carnegie Mellon, is faced with his own Kobayashi Maru test, having been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Shortly after learning that treatment was futile, he was asked to give a “Last Lecture”. It a common practice for professors to give a special lecture to students which would sum up their life experience and all that they had to share, as if he was about to die and this was his last chance to share what was most important to him. The fact that Dr. Pausch actually did have terminal cancer was just a coincidence, yet it made all the difference. On Sept 18, 2007, he stepped onto the lecture stage for the last time, and gave an unforgettable speech. It was recorded, and you can still see it on the web (below). The speech was incredible and was soon watched by millions across the web (the current YouTube count is 6,662,280).

One of the people touched by his talk was William Shatner, the actor who played Kirk in Star Trek. He was so moved by Dr. Pausch’s stand that he sent him an autographed photo, with that classic quote from the movie “The Wrath of Khan”:
“I don’t believe in the no-win scenario.”

That was a beautiful quote to read, especially in the context of someone fighting cancer. At the core of the cancer experience is the word "Hope": Hope for healing, hope for recovery, hope for survival, hope for a reason, a purpose, for something good to come out of the dark valley. Dr. Pausch did not recover from his cancer, but in the way he dealt with death, and life, he taught the world a great deal. William Shatner's sentiment expressed that beautifully.

For those of you who have not yet seen Dr. Pausch's famous "Last Lecture", just click below to see the video. It's well worth your time.

As they should be...

2008-08-28T09:51:00.001-04:00

Great quote from a bumper sticker:

"I'm CDO. It's like OCD,
but the letters are in alphabetical order
...as they should be."

Wise Investments

2008-08-18T21:03:00.005-04:00

The quote for the day comes from my all-too-witty wife, Gana, after discussing finances and asking that "Where is the money going? question:
"Braces are an investment, so that our kids can attract and marry doctors and lawyers. :)"

- - - -

PS. I actually have FOUR children in braces, and wonder why I feel dirt poor... ;-)

Waiting on a Woman

2008-07-22T11:58:00.003-04:00

There is a great video on YouTube for the song "Waiting on a Woman" by Brad Paisley. It stars Andy Griffeth and has a beautiful, bittersweet ending. A must see.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvKgnkIN8C8

Just Say No

2008-07-01T17:39:00.002-04:00

Just a few days after Josh & I went to Six Flags, a teenager lost his life at the same park in a tragic accident. Apparently the boy wanted to get to a ride quickly, and rather than taking the walkway, he decided to climb two 6-foot fences and ignore multiple signs warning him of danger. He was subsequently struck by a roller coaster and decapitated.

Now, the last thing I would want to do is add any burden on his poor parents, already terribly overwhelmed with grief. But so often I see children being raised in ways that (unintentionally) lead to trouble, sometimes tragic. We do not just raise children to be good to kids today, but also to be safe, wise & hopefully a blessing to the world tomorrow. As a basic starting point of that, they need to realize that many boundaries should not be crossed. Even if they whine or beg or plead, "but everyone ELSE has an XBox, and BY GOLLY, I'm HUNGRY and I want that Big Mac NOW!"

Please.

I was just in a conversation with a co-worker talking about the rules we place on our children. His notion was that only rules regarding safety were needed. Ok, so don't run across a busy street. That's a start. But what about respecting common decency, or the rights of others? What about rules to guide one in wisdom, growth, and health? What happens when his daughter wants to drop out of 9th grade because her 18-year-old boyfriend offered her a spot in his band?
And yes, we do want to teach kids to think for themselves, and to be brave & bold to explore. But there are some times in life when they also need to take a slice of humble pie, and recognize their boundaries.

The boy who lost his life at Six Flags may not have chosen death, but he did choose the path of death. How many young people today are making that same choice? And how do we guide them away from that? By teaching them that one critical lesson that every human needs to learn at some point: How to deal with the word "No".

Six Flags Day

2008-06-26T12:37:00.002-04:00

I took Josh to Six Flags yesterday, and we had a fun time there. For Josh, the thrill of the water rides and roller coasters made the day. As an adult, I've lost the romance of waiting in line for one hour, to enjoy 2 minutes of being jostled around, but the one-on-one time was good.

This is a new parenting approach that Gana has taught me: I used to think that treating all the kids identically was essential, hence I wouldn't think of going to Six Flags unless all could go. But now we're doing more one-on-one activities, to let each child know how special they are. And to my surprise, the kids seem happy with that. Since each child is different, they usually want to do very different activities anyways.

One Six Flags life-saver: bringing along water bottles. I can't believe how much water we drank, and although the food/drink prices are outlandish, the food stands are happy to load you up with ice water.

So that you may be fruitful...

2008-04-15T12:08:00.007-04:00

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful...Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." John 15:1-4

"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." Hebrews 12:5-6

Cry for Justice

2008-03-21T13:19:00.006-04:00

For the past year, God has been bringing the concept of "Justice" before me again and again, in many different ways and from many different sources. It's like a school teacher telling a child, 'Now pay attention, you're going to need this one.' I have no idea where it's going, but it keeps coming up. Much of those thoughts seemed to coalesce in a sermon series delivered by our pastor, Crawford Loritz, over the winter.

Take, for instance, his talk on racial justice. It was a tricky talk to give, as he happens to be an african american pastor of a (mostly) white church, and he admitted he did not want to come across as "scolding us". He wisely presented it in the form of a dialogue, between himself and an associate pastor, Monty Watson. I think the highlight of that talk came when Monty asked Crawford, "So, what is it that african americans want of white people? Do we owe an apology, or what?" There was a slight pause, as you realized that this was probably the crux of the dialogue, than Crawford gave a great answer (and I am paraphrasing here, based on memory)."No," he said, "it's not that anyone owes anyone else an apology. After all, most of the offenses done against african americans were committed long ago by people long since dead. But what many of us in the african american community want is a realistic understanding of the weight of the sin, of those offenses in the past. Many white people talk about the good old days with a pollyannaish view that everything was great in the past, as they are only aware of what white people experienced. For african-americans, the experience was quite different."
That comment struck me that morning, as I could definitely relate to it. The early part of the century was indeed a pretty good time...if you were white. I was reminded of that again this morning, listening to a personal essay given on NPR. The speaker was Mary Ellen Noone, and her story was recorded as part of StoryCorps Griot, an initiative that collects the recollections of black Americans.
In her story, we see a glimpse of the other side of life, where the absence of basic humanity in the ill treatment of others cries out for justice. And in seeing that, we can better understand some of the scars that still remain.
You can read her story on NPR by clicking here. To listen to it, just click on the "Listen Now" button. It is hard to hear, but it is important.

Spring is coming!

2008-03-06T09:17:00.004-05:00

My favorite time of year by far - Spring, the promise of new life. I took this picture one year ago, on March 22. I can't wait to see all those flowers in bloom again.

Hey, after having a few kids, a guy is free to appreciate flowers without having his manhood questioned. ;-)

2008-02-20T19:35:00.002-05:00

What if...you could go through life with a guarantee that your every need would be provided for? What if you knew someone was actively watching out for you, someone powerful enough to control any environment, any situation you find yourself in? What if you were guaranteed to survive, to thrive, to win....and all you had to do was ask...and be willing to take on a new perspective. Would you?

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air...your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:25

"...If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all -- how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?.....in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. " Romans 8:31-37

Raising Daughters

2008-02-18T08:24:00.005-05:00

I once asked someone what it would be like raising teenage daughters, and after pausing a moment, he said, "It's very easy to NOT do it right. Unlike young children, who beg and demand your time, teenagers are more independent, and they will quickly glide through your life if you are not paying attention, going about their own lives. You have to force yourself to stop, to make time to spend with them."

You know, he was right.

Will I?

2008-02-10T21:10:00.000-05:00

This is one video you have to see. The song comes from the Broadway play "Rent", and although I can not recommend the play, this one piece of it is a gem. The setting for the song is an AIDS support group. From what I've read, the idea for the song came from an HIV support meeting a few years ago where a man stood up and said, "I'm not afraid of dying -- I'm ready for that. I just want to know this: Will I lose my dignity?"

Wow. It just takes my breath away. Not that I've been in that immediate circle (dealing with AIDS), but having gone through the dark valley of cancer with my father and my first wife, I recognize those heart-stopping moments when you struggle with fundamental questions that you never thought you would be asking.

Many of us may not be able to relate to Aids, but none of us are immune to the big life-challenging illnesses (whether cancer, diabetes, ALS or whatever). Even if we do not face them directly, odds are someone close to us eventually will. They all have a way of eradicating walls that otherwise would never come down. You will probably never find yourself in an AIDS support group, but you very well may one day be asking yourself, "Will I lose my dignity?"

For some, the answer to that question is a painful one. I've watched this process slowly unravel the worlds of my father, and then my first wife, Ida, as everything they felt important slipped from their fingers. For everyone, the "Will I...?" questions are different, but they all have that same heartwrenching feel to them. Will I lose my health? Will I lose my career? Can I continue homeschooling my children? Will I see my children grow up?

And when all the things we clutch on to so tightly in life have been peeled away, one by one, all that's left in the end is God. At that moment, we start to realize what a sacrifice Jesus made to leave the glory of heaven, to find himself cold and bereft of comfort in a humble manger. Knowing that the cross lay ahead of Him. When everything that was important to us is gone, all that is left is Him. Some get angry and shake their fist at Him, while others run into His embrace.
And what about us? While life is good and the days are sweet? When we still can hold on to those we love and reach for our dreams... Can we appreciate Jesus during these times? Can we appreciate His sacrifice for us? While we may not have to ask the "Will I...?" questions, He did.

"For the love of Christ compels us, because we judge thus: that if One died for all, then all died; and He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again." 2 Cor 5:14-15

The Lineup

2008-02-06T13:22:00.000-05:00

Hillary Clinton - I can not imagine her overcoming the animosity against her in the Republican party. The two-party system today is so closely balanced that a candidate must draw voters from both sides in order to win. I just can't see Hillary doing that.

Barack Obama - He just strikes me as so young and inexperienced. He scores way, way high on style, but pretty low on substance (in my humble opinion), largely based on his age. Nevertheless, given our current culture, it is possible that someone could get into the White House based on style alone. I sure hope not, though.

Mitt Romney - He has strong business experience and is running as a social conservative, which should get him into the heart of the Republican party, BUT...he is Mormon. Let's be honest: social-conservatives of the GOP are evangelical Christians, and although the rest of the world may confuse Mormon's with Christians, the evangelicals sure do not. The Christian right is not ready for a mormon president.

Mike Huckabee - Here's the one I voted for, because he is, well, great on the social-conservative issues. But I expect his background as a Christian preacher may make him unpaletable for everyone outside the Christian-right camp.

John McCain - The face of a war hero, seasoned, and appeal that could stretch across party lines. Just two strikes against him: he is not a social conservative, and he is the sole proponent of continuing the Iraq buildup, which is unpopular. Nevertheless, he has already reached across party lines by being progressive, and if he picks a social-conservative VP to appease the Christian right, then this race will be his to lose.

The moral here: A candidate in today's politics must have appeal across the full spectrum to win. McCain is the closest to that.

Standing on the sidelines...

2008-01-23T12:40:00.000-05:00

Feeling the stress/pain of a parent whose child is not handling things quite right...
Wanting things to go smoothly, easily for your child...
Wanting them to be spared pain in life, to not have to learn in the school of hard knocks...
and yet all you can do is stand on the sidelines, calling out to them, your hands fidgeting nervously, as you watch the choices they make.

(sigh)

Nothing to do but fidget with your hands...
and pray.
And then remember that God is working out a story in them too. Even now, His pen is on the page...

How to Save a Life
by The Fray

Step one: you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back to you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or brake with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life

Shhhh! Secret about Christmas...

2007-12-22T01:36:00.000-05:00

We have two writers in the family. Gana is about to do her first posting...

From Gana:

I need to let you in on a secret happening at our house this Christmas. In blending two families, there are always challenges, and in our case, we had two children who loved making a Christmas list with size, color, and price noted... and two children who preferred everything under our tree being a surprise. Last year we did what each individual child was used to... but this year we are shaking it up.

In early December we made a big song and dance about Christmas being (*sigh*) smaller this year. We let them know that they would have $ 30 each for presents (gasp! horror!)... so we were going to let THEM pick out their Christmas presents, to be sure they got what they REALLY wanted with the limited dollars. We held our breaths, with only one child shreiking at the small dollar amount. The other three cheered when they heard the rest of the plan. A parent would take an individual child out on a personal date, EVERY weekend between then and Christmas, to let them shop at the store(s) of their choice, until the $ 30 was used up. They could choose to spend it all on one gift, or divide it up in any way they chose. So a shopping mission began, with great results. We watched and listened as the kids bargained with themselves outloud while shopping... "Hmmm... I really love this, but I think I could get it for a better price at x-y-z", etc. We secretly smiled as they fit within the parameters of what they didn't realize was just one part of "the game".

Journey was an excellent shopper, but (politely) grumbled that it takes the fun out of Christmas when you already know what you will be unwrapping. She did a really good job with spreading her dollars around, and is pleased with what she picked out, but... she's not sure this was all such a good idea.

Sable hemmed and hawed about making decisions, and finally asked on one of our "dates", if she could spend her $ 30 on the other three kids. I questioned to be sure she understood that that meant she wouldn't have gifts to open (she doesn't know the rest of the game), and she assured me that she knew that, and still wanted to spend her money "giving". So we let her. She was getting the real meaning of "giving" --- and sacrificing self in the process. But in the few weeks since, Sable has quietly asked if next year, we can go back to the "old way", of Christmas gifts being a surprise. Her reason? Because you don't get the same feeling of LOVE, when you pick out your own gifts, as you do when people take the time to pick things that they think you will like. My heart smiled at that one. (And lest you feel too much pity, realize that this is our "hoarding" child, who has massive amounts of money saved up from her allowance and extra chores! I think she's actually having pity on the other poor children in our house who don't know how to save...!)

SO!!! To tell you the rest of the story, the kids will be opening their self-selected presents on Christmas Eve, after we do the last candle on our advent wreath, with us using the story that Christmas morning will be too rushed for present opening, with having to get Journey to the airport. They will also open the small gifts that they bought/made for each other on Christmas Eve. And we will pretend like, Whew! We did it! Wasn't that a success! --- and let them watch a classic Christmas movie, before we go to midnight mass. What they don't know is... Christmas morning they will find their stocking filled, and the first of several scavenger hunt notes, that will lead them all over the house to find (surprise!) more presents that we were secretly buying on the side.

Once the whooping and hollering and running from floor to floor "hunting" is over, and the trash is once again gathered... we are going to have a chat about the real meaning of Christmas. What parts they liked about picking their own presents, what part they didn't like. How did they feel Christmas Eve when the "smaller" Christmas was over. Was their heart content and happy, when we had smaller amounts of presents, but wonderful food, wonderful family time, with the evening ending with Christmas Eve mass? What was it like Christmas morning when something totally unexpected happened? When it was bigger and better than what they went to bed content with the night before. Then we will talk about how so many times we settle in life for what is on OUR "list"... when what God has planned for us is so much bigger and better. And His plans will sometimes lead us around in crazy ways (like a scavenger hunt), where we can't help but question what He is up to... but it's part of His plan. He's carefully moving chess pieces to put us exactly where He needs us. Or as some have stated it, weaving a tapestry in our life, and all we can see is the underside with the mess of knots and blur of colors that look inside-out. But when it's all revealed --- we will be so thrilled that we trusted Him enough to follow the crazy twists and turns.

So our Christmas is a bit shaken up this year, and this of course won't work "next year", because the kids will already know the secret. So we'll have to get creative again. But just wanted you to know that the (shock! horror!) limited budget the kids might quote to you for our Christmas is actually a farce. And any concern the kids show about how terrible it is to have to pick out your own gifts... that's exactly where we want them to be... :)

Hope you have a merry time of your own this weekend and coming week, as you celebrate our Saviour's birth! Gana

On being a photographer for an all-girl rock band

2007-12-09T08:28:00.000-05:00

Journey and her friends at school decided to form an all-girl rock band that they named "Star Girls". Not that any of them actually play instruments, but they've got this dream and, well, they have stars in their eyes. And they are dreaming big. Think of major rock concerts across the country, and you're getting there.

Joshua, being a boy of course, is not in the "Star Girls". But he is an amateur photographer, having gotten his own "starter camera" on his last birthday. He offered to be the offical photographer for Star Girls for 1 cent per week. Mind you, that's $1 for a two year contract, which I consider to be very reasonable, if not tantamount to slave labor. But Journey is a shrewd businesswoman and would have nothing of it. If the Star Girls were not yet receiving any money for their hard efforts, why should they fork over a $1 every other year to Joshua?

Moreover, in order to even be considered for this prominent position, Josh had to pass a careful examination. We were driving in the car as I overheard this, so I happened to get all the juicy details. I have to admit, I was amazed and ever so proud of my boy for ACING this test. I am including the questions, along with the answers, for the benefit of anyone out there who is also considering a career as photographer for an all-girl rock band. Consider this a freebie.

What do you do if you are in the middle of videotaping a live performance, and you have to go to the bathroom:
a) Stop taping and go to the bathroom
b) Leave the camera running while you quickly slip away and come back so nothing gets lost
c) Tell them to stop the performance.
* Correct answer: (b)
The girls are late for a concert and they haven't come out of their dressing room yet. What do you do? a) Just wait outside to see when they come out b) POLITELY knock on the door and remind them of the time c) Bang on the door and rudely tell them they have to come out now
* Correct answer: (b)
While filming a concert, you realize one of star girls has a big zit on her face. What do you do?
a) Zoom in the camera on her zit
b) Get shots of everything else in the concert, but excluding that one girl completely.
c) Play it cool and videotape everything like nothing is unusual
* Correct answer: (c)
You need to give a message to someone in the dressing room but the door is closed. What do you do?
a) You enter the room with your hand covering your eyes.
b) You knock on the door and POLITELY announce that there is a message waiting for so-and-so
c) You go back to doing what you were doing, KNOWING you will probably forget the message
* Correct answer: (b)
What do you do between concert performances?
a) Go bowling
b) Get eat a meal at the restaurant
c) Go to the bathroom and get freshened up, ready for the next performance
* Correct answer: (c)

Going Out!

2007-12-07T18:06:00.000-05:00

Tonight is date night. We celebrate our first anniversary in a couple of days, so tonight we're locking the kids in the closet and going out for fun. ;-)

Cinematic Grief

2007-12-05T18:37:00.000-05:00

After you've been through the experience of losing a spouse, you become much more cognizant of how grief is reflected in our culture. Take for instance country music. You may remember hearing some sad ballads from that genre, but ask any widow/er and they will rattle off twenty country song titles that explicitely deal with the death of a lover. And now two movies have come out this holiday season that hit on this topic: Grace is Gone and PS - I Love You. I have not seen either yet, and know I will probably need to bring a box of tissues if I do go see them, but they sound worth it.

The trailer for "Grace is Gone" had me riveted from the start. Unlike "PS...", this one is clearly more dramatic, and brings back one of our favorite stars from the eighties: John Cusack. This movie is about the husband of a female soldier who discovers she was killed in Iraq, and now has the burden of delivering the news to their daughters. Unable to tell them directly, he takes them on a cross-country road trip with the stated goal of visiting a favorite theme park, but an unspoken goal of finding a way to tell them the bad news.
With this movie, John Cusack jumps to my short list of favorite actors. His eyes seem to convey so much in the brief scenes of the trailer, and you can tell his heart was really into this movie. There were three snapshots from the trailer that really jumped out:

An early scene shows two army officers arriving at his doorstep, in what is a well recognized scene for our culture. I imagine this must be a regular fixture in the nightmares of every military spouse, and you can see the instant recognition in his eyes.
Another scene shows him calling his home phone from a hotel while they are on the road, to hear his wife's voice as a prompting for a spontaneous grief session.
And what appears to be the final scene, showing Cusack sitting on the beach, flanked by his two daughters. Again, his eyes tell it all.

The other movie, P.S. I Love You, is a more lighthearted look at another side of grief. In this story, a widow is surprised to receive a number of messages from her lost husband. He was a cancer victim, but as it turns out he had enough wits about him to devise a plan for supporting his wife, even after he was gone. Watching the trailer should tell you enough of the story. Unlike "Grace", this movie takes a more lighthearted, and even funny, look at grief. An instant chick-flick, this one looks like it quickly transitions into a romantic comedy.

Most people reading this already know that the grief theme is familiar ground for me, having been widowed back in 2005. And most people also know I am now coming up on the first anniversary of marriage to a wonderful gal named Gana. Having this fresh new chapter in my life, grief is largely a fixture of my past, and I try to keep it there most of the time. But those few times when the monster rears it's ugly head, Gana is nothing but supportive. She herself lost a sister twelve years ago, so she is familiar with the territory. I could not ask for a more kind and understanding wife. At first I thought the movie "Grace Is Gone" would be a bit too up-front for me (especially with the combined elements of children & grief), but when I told Gana about it, she decided we needed to see it together. It looks like it will be a GREAT movie. I'll just have to bring along my box of tissues. ;-)

Waterboarding

2007-11-12T13:53:00.001-05:00

If you have been following the news lately, you have probably heard about a controversy called "waterboarding". The question is whether our government should be passing off prisoners in "temporary custody" to countries that engage in the practice of "waterboarding", something that has, up to now, been regarded as torture. Those in favor of the practice regard it as a "useful" way of extracting information from suspects. Those opposed to it are shocked that torture should be used ANYWHERE in the 21th century, much less in association with the United States of America.

Before we become comfortable with such a technique, we have to deal with a few points:

The value of the end goal (saving lives from terrorism) needs to outweigh the cost (national integrity and moral standing in the international community). If we are willing to sacrifice our own virtue for that price, then what price are we willing to pay against the threats that will take MILLIONS of American lives (i.e. cancer)?
By lowering the bar of how prisoners are treated, we need to accept and expect that our own military forces will be treated in this way by foreign countries. Granted, there are brutal enemies out there who have always been willing to torture and kill their prisoners, but those have always been just a few rag-tag extremists. Now we will be lowering the moral standard for civilized nations.
We need to be prepared to deal with the consequences of such a policy. In the past, there have been some who have hated America because they viewed us as lazy and rich. Now a new breed will arise that hate us for torturing their fathers, uncles and neighbors. The net result will be trading a single prisoner in our custody for an unknown batch of terrorists out in hiding. Does this make us safer?

Read the following description of Waterboarding (taken from Wikipedia), and decide for yourself.

- Wayne

____________________________________

Waterboarding is a torture technique that simulates drowning in a controlled environment. It consists of immobilizing an individual on his or her back, with the head inclined downward, and pouring water over the face to force the inhalation of water into the lungs. Waterboarding has been used to obtain information, coerce confessions, punish, and intimidate. In contrast to merely submerging the head, waterboarding elicits the gag reflex, and can make the subject believe death is imminent. Waterboarding's use as a method of torture or means to support interrogation is based on its ability to cause extreme mental distress. The psychological effects on victims of waterboarding can last long after the procedure. Although waterboarding in cases can leave no lasting physical damage, it carries the real risks of extreme pain, damage to the lungs, brain damage caused by oxygen deprivation, injuries as a result of struggling against restraints (including broken bones), and even death.
Numerous experts have described this technique as torture. Some nations have also criminally prosecuted individuals for performing waterboarding, including the United States.
The practice garnered renewed attention and notoriety in September 2006, when further reports claim that the Bush administration had authorized the use of waterboarding on extrajudicial prisoners of the United States. ABC News reported that current and former CIA officers stated that "there is a presidential finding, signed in 2002, by President Bush, Condoleezza Rice and then-Attorney General John Ashcroft approving the 'enhanced' interrogation techniques, including water boarding." According to Republican United States Senator John McCain, who was tortured as a prisoner of war in North Vietnam, waterboarding is "torture", "no different than holding a pistol to his head and firing a blank" and can damage the subject's psyche "in ways that may never heal."

"Bob the Adulterer" for President

2007-11-07T13:07:00.000-05:00

Prominent evangelical Christian leader Pat Robertson today announced support for presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani, proving that the Giuliani's patented mind control mechanism is indeed a grand success.

Reasons for Robertson's support of Giuliani:

Giuliani is tough on terrorists
Giuliani is tough on crime
Giuliani is a fiscal conservative (meaning Pat's estate assets will be well taken care of)

What no longer seems to matter to Robertson:

Giuliani is fine with the slaughter of millions of unborn Americans
Giuliani is liberal on gay rights
Giuliani was unfaithful to his marriage (Read: adulterer)

I have to wonder if this will sway more social conservatives towards Rudolf Giuliani...or away from Mr. Robertson. In Mr. Giuliani, we find a new alignment of political positions, that is neither Republican nor Democrat. It is merely expedient politics, that which will gain him the most votes on any given stand. Unecumbered by morals or convictions, Giuliani stands as the mirror opposite of a principled statesman. And now, the country knows where Pat Robertson stands as well.

Trivia for the day...did you know that if you Google "Giuliani" and "adultery", you get 173,000 hits?

High Infidelity: What if three admitted adulterers run for president and no one cares?, by Steve Benen

Giuliani Comes To Aid Of Accused Child Molester

The Betrayal of Marriage

The New Adultery Rules

Giuliani's new Republican Family Value: "ADULTERY" T-shirt

Peace in Ireland

2007-10-16T13:16:00.000-04:00

It's easy to see the troubles in this world, perhaps too easy. I suppose it helps us cope with struggles in life, as our eyes focus on the challenges we need to deal with. But twenty years ago, who would have thought that Ireland would find peace and reconciliation? That instead of angry young men with guns and bombs, tourists would roam their streets....

Eileen Ivers is an Irish fiddle player, who has teamed up with Tommy Pipes (perhaps best known for being one of the original Blues Brothers). Their band, Immigrant Soul, has never been mainstream music, so you may not have heard it, but if you get a chance to, you are in for a treat.

Tommy has the most soulful deep voice, which is perfect with Eileen Iver's music. And as an Irish songwriter, Eileen hits on topics that have been big in Irish culture, including the struggles that country has been through. One song they perform beautifully together, Reconciliation, is an old remake, and it just plays across the soul. We all hope and pray the middle east will someday enjoy the fruits of such peace, although that may only come with the reign of our Messiah. In the meantime, let us celebrate with Ireland their hard won victory.

Reconciliation
(Ron Kavana)

When summertime has gone and autumn winds are threatening
To blow our love away 'tis then love will be tested
Arm in arm we'll stand, side by side together
To face the common foe who would tear our love asunder

All ye fairweather friends, where are you now we need you?
Gone like the Autumn rains on dark December mornings
When hard times come around like dark and stormy weather
There's only you and I, my love, to shelter one another

Now there's a time to fight and there's a time for healing
As the sun will melt the snow on clear bright April mornings
Our fight has run its course, now's the time for healing
So let us both embrace sweet reconciliation

2007-10-08T13:19:00.000-04:00

You know that old saying, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"?

Well, you know, it's true.

I just gave my notice at BlueCube.

In two weeks I will start working at Radiant Systems.

At the end of the month I will take the GRE.

In December I will apply for grad school at Georgia Tech.

And if that works out, I will spend the next few years going to GT on a part-time basis (while working).

Wow. Life has suddenly kicked into high-gear, and it's scary.

I hope GT likes me. (weak grin)

2007-10-05T11:56:00.000-04:00

What I'm about to divulge will probably shock some people. So my first order of business will be establishing a scapegoat. If you have to blame somebody, blame this little guy. You see him, the little runt hiding behind the Princess-Leah-wannabe. Yep. If you were a nerdy kid back in the '70s, you probably even know him by name: "Twiki". He is the one who got me started, all the way back in 1979.

You see, I was nine years old when the movie Buck Rogers hit theaters. No-one under 30 probably remembers it, but at the time, it was pretty snazzy. Well, for pre-teen boys at least. The hero, Buck Rogers is a space shuttle pilot who finds himself 500 years in the future. As you'd expect, sci-fi action & adventure ensued, and Buck Rogers kicked the bad guys' butts.

But, oddly enough, it wasn't the character of Buck Rogers that caught my attention. It was that little fellow...the robot...Twiki. I don't know why -- he was annoying as could be, with his penchant for blurting "Bidibidibidi" at random times. But still, this crazy notion snuck into my mind: what if I could build one of those? Hey - I was nine at the time, and already had a few years of schooling under my belt. And with a phenomenal imagination to more than compensate for any lack of knowledge, I took on the project.

Unfortunately, my 3 years of Louisiana public education did not get me very far.

By the time I was done, I had a pretty impressive sketch (er, schematic) of his exterior, with some lines and circles indicating where the wheels at his feet would go (walking was too difficult) and the pulleys to control those wheels. Ah, but for the CONTROL of that movement...that was the big thing. I knew there had to be some sort of control box inside him to manage that control: to take input from his surroundings (vision would also prove tricky), translate that into an action plan, and tell those little wheels when to start and stop. I knew this magic box was the key to actually building a robot, but I had NO EARTHLY IDEA how to go about that. So after a little experimenting, I abandoned the project, thinking that was the end of that.

And it was. Mostly. Years went by, and my life went on in many other directions. I grew into a teenager, went off to college, got married and started a family.

But then another movie came out that sparked my imagination, and again, that spark took me in a different direction than most other fans of the movie would follow. The movie was Titanic. You know the story: Spunky young "Jack" wins the heart of well-to-do "Rose", just in time for them to distract the watchmen on the Titanic, and lead to it's sinking and the demise of many, many people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But do you remember that opening scene? When the manned submarine descended to the Titanic wreckage, and released a miniature "pet" submarine on a leash, to go explore the interior of the ship? They did not talk about it in the movie, but that little "pet sub" was an ROV - a Remotely Operated Vehicle (and a true part of how the real Titanic was explored). Of course "vehicle" is a misnomer, because it does not carry people, it's just a "robot on a leash", albeit an underwater robot. I can't tell you why, but something about that just caught me and stirred up an old dream of mine: robotics.

I can't tell you why, but for some reason, that dream just grabbed my heart in a powerful way, like having the right key that unlocks a door. It just fit right. Over the next few years, I filled a large binder with thoughts, sketches, ideas, and articles on the subject.

It might be natural for me to say at this point that I chose a career in robotics, and followed that dream, but no, life got in the way. One crisis after another hit, until I found myself as a cancer caregiver, and then a young widower/single father. Through all those difficult years, my family was my main focus, with my job as software developer serving to pay the bills. But deep in my heart, that dream remained.

It would also be natural for me to say at this point that I have laid that dream to rest. Being nearly 40, well established in my career, with a family of six dependent on me, it would be, well, crazy for me to go back to school, to pursue, for instance, a PhD in robotics. Right? Well, some would say that. But a couple of things have spun my world around, making the impossible seem rather possible.

First, there's Gana. Since marrying Gana (almost a year ago now), our household has settled down to a beautiful, peaceful rhythm of life, love and laughter (with the occasional angst that accompanies puberty). Gana has been, to put it simply, marvelous beyond my greatest expectations. God knew what we needed, and He provided that in such an overabundant way with Gana.

Then, there's God. Several months ago I wrote down a list of prayer needs, and started talking with God every morning about that. Since then, I have seen him cross one item after another off that list, answering one prayer after another. When God provides for a need, He sometimes meets the need, and sometimes he completely blows it out of the water. One of my prayer requests was that God would resolve this tug in my heart for pursing robotics, whether by putting the dream away for good, or by opening the door to make it happen. And after all these years of just being a fuzzy dream, a longing in my heart, that dream coalesced into a clear plan in my mind. I suddenly knew exactly what to do, and as I researched the details, everything became very clear (and seemingly, very achievable).

So, here is what I am now looking at: I am planning to take the GRE this fall. If that works out (i.e. I can clear enough cobwebs from my brain to remember calculus), I will apply for grad school at Georgia Tech in January. Coincidentally, GT is just starting a PhD program in robotics this year. IF they accept me, I would start in the fall of 2008. I'll be honest, the odds are against me...but then, I never put much weight on statistics. If this is from God, then the doors of GT will swing wide open. And if it's not from God, well, hopefully I will get this distraction cleared up once and for all. My biggest concern is not about the academic challenge -- I feel ready for that; rather, I want to make sure I keep a balanced life, that I can work my job, go to school, and still be a godly, supportive husband and father. That is critical to me. I decided long ago that anything coming in the way of my family would have to go. So there it is -- a huge chance, a gamble, but something I want to try for.

All in all, I am hopeful. Very hopeful.

Breast Cancer Suspects

2007-10-01T13:21:00.001-04:00

It’s amazing to see conventional cancer research sound more and more like what the naturopathic community was warning years ago. The following article by Francesca Lyman (for MSN Health & Fitness) describes suspected environmental causes of breast cancer.

And by the way, welcome to Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

Breast Cancer Suspects
By Francesca Lyman for MSN Health & Fitness

Breast cancer clearly has a genetic component, but "routine environmental exposures and lifestyle may play a major role," according to a recent ground-breaking study by the Silent Spring Institute and Susan G. Komen for the Cure. The study, published in Cancer, a journal of the American Cancer Society, uncovers 216 common chemicals that cause breast tumors in animals and reviews medical literature, including some studies that reveal environmental factors to be influential "in the vast majority of cancers."

Tailpipe Toxins
At the top of the list of common, potent mammary carcinogens are components of car and truck exhaust.

Tobacco Smoke
Like car and truck exhaust, tobacco smoke is a source of many PAHs. Among these are dibenz[a,h]anthracene, considered by EPA to be “probably carcinogenic to humans” as well as mutagenic—meaning that it can cause genes to mutate. It’s laced with many other cancer-causing substances as well, such as dibenzo[def,p]chrysene.

Industrial Combustion Sources
Just as components of car exhaust have been linked to breast cancer and a long list of other illnesses, air pollution from refineries and coal plants also compounds the load. Researchers studying air pollution in Erie and Niagara counties in New York State found a higher risk of breast cancer among post-menopausal women whose birth addresses were near locations recording higher levels of PAHs. The researchers, who used historic air pollution data dating back to the 1960s to measure these trends, thus suggest that exposure in early life to high levels of PAHs may increase one's risk of postmenopausal breast cancer.

Drinking Alcohol
Most everyone agrees that limiting alcohol consumption can reduce the risk of breast cancer, but the connections get stronger with each new study. Natural cancer-causing substances—primarily urethanes—are found in alcohol, including wine and ale beers. In a recent analysis of six studies that examined 322,647 women, each additional 10 g of alcohol consumed equated to an added 9 percent risk of breast cancer

Toxicants in Food
Food can be tainted by pesticides sprayed on crops, antibiotics used on poultry and other meats, and hormones injected into cattle, sheep and hogs. Some foods may increase the risk of breast cancer by increasing circulating levels of estrogen. They point to the fact that milk sold in the United States (banned in Canada and Europe) containing insulin-like growth factor 1 may put women at increased risk. Also, grilled or charred meat and fish contain various mutagenic agents that occur naturally in the grilling process.

Acrylamides—found in French fries, breads and cereals cooked at very high temperatures—pose problems, as do foods contaminated by styrene from polystyrene (Styrofoam) containers. Fish can also be contaminated with a variety of long-banned chemicals like PCBs, which have been linked to breast cancer, as well as by dioxin, a product of incineration.

Ionizing Radiation
In 2005, the National Toxicology Program classified x-rays and gamma radiation as causing cancer in humans, but ionizing radiation has long been regarded as the most established environmental risk factor for breast cancer.

We're exposed to x-radiation from medical x-rays, mammograms and other radiopharmaceutical treatments. Though these technologies offer great benefits, unnecessary exposure should be avoided.

Our greatest exposure to radiation is from the gamma rays in natural sunlight, which also provides us with beneficial Vitamin D. We get increased radiation from plane travel, as a result of greater proximity to the sun's rays and because the radiation is less filtered by clouds and particulates.

Hormone Supplements
Researchers broadly agree that women’s exposures to natural estrogens over time increases the risk of breast cancer. However, it is only recently that synthetic estrogens and progesterones have been linked to a higher risk for breast cancer.

Findings from the ongoing Million Women Study and the Women’s Health Initiative have found that certain kinds of Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), used to alleviate menopausal symptoms, put women at increased risk of breast cancer.

Drinking Water Contaminants
Disinfecting products used to clean water help kill bacteria and keep disease in check. However, Silent Spring researchers caution that some disinfection byproducts of chlorinating water cause mammary tumors in rodents. There’s strong evidence for their causing cancer in humans as well. Likewise, many drinking water systems across the U.S. have been found to be contaminated by pesticides and dry cleaning chemicals.

Household Chemicals
Stain-resistant and flame-retardant chemicals have found their way into our lives—in our carpeting, furniture, clothing, cookware, cosmetics, lubricants, paints, and adhesives. Widely detected in blood samples in the US, PFOA (perfluorooctanoic acid) has been found to cause breast cancer in animals and is under further investigation.

Silent Spring Institute researchers also point to chlorinated solvents used in paint removers, varnishes, wood sealants, fabric cleaners, dry cleaning chemicals and septic tank cleaners as being suspected human carcinogens.

Gasoline, Benzene, Fuels and Solvents
Occupational studies have mainly focused on men, but a few studies on women workers have turned up elevated levels of breast cancer among those exposed to various petrochemical solvents—particularly women working in chemical factories and dry cleaning shops, hairdressers, nurses in health and science laboratories, and electronics industry workers. Benzene, to which we are exposed in gasoline at the pump and in lawn mowers and other appliances that might be stored in garages and basements, is a potent mammary carcinogen, according to Silent Spring researchers.

Pharmaceuticals
A wide variety of prescription drugs have been found to produce mammary tumors in animals—everything from Reserpine, used for the treatment of mild or moderate hypertension, to Furosemide for pulmonary edema. Many anti-cancer drugs are also known human carcinogens. Check the study's “browse” function under pharmaceuticals.

Miscellaneous Chemicals, Dyes, Whitening Agents
In January 2003, the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported their findings on human exposure to environmental chemicals, revealing some 116 toxic and cancer-causing chemicals in the blood and tissues of human volunteers chosen to represent our population. Among the compounds they found were multiple pesticides linked to breast cancer, dioxins that are products of incineration, and other chemicals.

Can our “body burdens” be lightened? Silent Spring researchers advocate reducing as many “preventable” exposures from industrial chemical byproducts as possible. Examples abound: 1,4 dioxane, a contaminant in detergents and shampoos, for example, and fluorescent whitening agents, both have been found to cause breast cancer in animals. The researchers argue that most chemicals used in hair dyes and cosmetics have not been tested for their health effects.

[end]

Our Brief stint as Pirates

2007-09-27T07:22:00.001-04:00

Every year the kids get off for a week in September for "Fall Break", and tradition usually brings us to Florida. This year we camped out at Anastasia State Park, near St. Augustine. The park was beautiful, with a nearly perfect beach, natural beach. Barring some rain, we had a very good week and even got a family portrait as pirates while in town one day.

What do you see?

2007-09-14T12:20:00.001-04:00

2007-09-07T13:16:00.001-04:00

If you happened to go into the CompUSA in Roswell anytime during the late ‘90s, you probably would have seen a balding man in his late 50’s working there. He may not have been the one with all the answers; you could tell this computer technology was like new tricks for an old dog. But he’d be more than happy to help, and to find someone who could answer your questions. If you remembered anything about him, it would probably be his easy-going disposition, his quick smile & readiness to laugh. A friendly man. But there’s a lot you wouldn’t know by looking at him.

You probably wouldn’t guess that he had been to the bottom of the ocean, because, well, they needed someone smart down there when things went wrong. Or that the product of his work had been carried out of earth orbit, all the way to the moon, to support the Apollo astronauts working there. Things you probably wouldn’t guess about this second-rate retail salesman. Although...you just might see that quiet strength in his eyes.

He would probably be happy to brag about running the Peachtree road race – six times in a row, although he would not mention that the last time was only a three days after his first round of chemo. That was strength. And without seeing into his past, you would not see the quiet strength he showed in providing for his family even after his professional career collapsed; his willingness to work a fish-counter at Krogers, or try his hand at realty, or computer retail -- anything at all, to pay the rent and keep food on the table. Work he did, when others would just languish in bed, in a depression. He lived in the quiet strength of manhood, and he taught me what it means to be a man. That is, to love, by serving. All that, he taught me well, for he was my father. And I miss him.

Happy belated birthday, Dad. I love you.

2007-09-04T09:34:00.000-04:00

Sorry folks, but this one is for men only. Everyone else, please come back next time. :-)

I remember seeing her for the first time in 1983…and oh, she was sweet. It was instant seduction. The Porsche Carerra 911. I don’t know what it was about her, but that exotic European styling nearly stopped my heart. Years have passed and I have tucked her away in the back of my memory (still haven’t told Gana about her yet), but perhaps when I retire I will get my hands on one. Until then, she’s just a passing dream.

I think most men know what I mean, that feeling of what it would be like to be out on the race track…no, on a mountain road, the top down, the wind blowing through your hair. It just gets your heart going. But imagine having such a treasure, a gift, and just leaving it sit in your driveway. Or to take it out, but only on trips to the grocery store, and never going above 30 mph. Ah, the shame! It would be a crime.

Or imagine this: suppose you were destined to be the greatest pitcher ever, to have the golden throwing arm, but you never discovered baseball. Imagine if all you used your arm for was typing on the computer or repairing cars.

Or who knows if the one destined to find a cure for cancer avoided the medical field because he was squeamish of blood?

Scary thought, eh? To have an incredible gift, but to not use it? And yet it happens all the time. All the time. As men, we have a powerful gift to speak words of encouragement and blessing to our wives and children. I’ve seen the powerful effect it can have for changing lives, the way it builds people up. But it is something we do not use often enough, not nearly enough. It’s nothing magical or supernatural, and yet when you see the way lives are affected by the right words spoken from a father, or the gaping void that results when those words are withheld, it’s amazing the effect it has.

John Eldredge described the longing in the hearts of women in his book, Wild at Heart:

“…the deep cry of a little girl’s heart is am I lovely? Every woman needs to know that she is exquisite and exotic and chosen. This is core to her identity, the way she bears the image of God. Will you pursue me? Do you delight in me? Will you fight for me? And like every little boy, she has taken a wound as well. The wound strikes right at the core of her heart of beauty and leaves a devastating message with it: No. You’re not beautiful and no one will really fight for you. Like (the male) wound, hers almost always comes at the hand of her father.”

And does it not make sense, when we see how the most beautiful young woman can be drawn to the most unlikely of scoundrels, simply because he is the first show interest in her, to act like she has something desirable in her? Unfortunately, we men tend to forget this powerful factor of attraction as we get older, and words of love and affection are replaced with complaints about dinner and the shifting of affections to “toys” and sports.

In like manner, children need to hear the powerful words of encouragement that a father can offer, words to build them up, and describe the dreams that they may not yet see. “Yes, you can do this!” “You are doing great!” “I’m so proud of you, and how you hung in there.” These are such powerful messages into the soul of a child.

So many men simply do not realize what power they have, to impact their loved ones. They stand there watching helplessly, wishing they could help, much like a mighty warrior standing before a dragon, not realizing he has a sword at his side. “Pull out your sword! It’s there at your side! Use it!”

Then from Hollywood and popular culture, we hear the message again and again that men are useless, little boys concerned only with their own pleasures. It’s a terrible tactic of the devil, and oh so successful: to make men forget what a powerful weapon (for the good) that they possess. Just recently I watched a man choose to pass up the opportunity to compliment his daughter, unable to speak the words, as she looked on so longingly for those words of affirmation. What a loss. And then I think of the times I myself have spoken harshly, when I could have built up. What a loss.

Our children need this, so desperately. It’s “the blessing” that fathers passed on to their children since biblical times, that Gary Smalley and John Trent describe in their book, The Blessing. Without the words of blessing from a father, there is a painful gap missing in the hearts of their families. Even after they are grown, so many men and women desperately long for this blessing from their fathers. I’ve seen it happen in grown men, stuck in holding patterns and unable to make crucial advances for their families, while they await the blessing from their fathers that never comes. That message of affirmation, belief, and trust. For a father to say, “I’m proud of you son”, and to mean it. How powerful.

But for most of us men, such a day may never come. Too many of our fathers were never trained much in the way of fathering sons, or they abandoned their roles prematurely, or perhaps they are no longer alive to make that connection. In those times, we need to stretch beyond them, to the greater purpose in all of this: the connection with our heavenly father. It’s hard to see it, in the ups and downs of this life, but He has been reaching out to us all along:

“For I am confident of this very thing,
that He who began a good work in you
will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus”
Philippians 1:6

Learning to see God at work in our lives, fathering us where there was a gap, is a difficult process, but worthwhile. And from that power and confidence, we can turn to those around us, and pass on this wonderful gift, the blessing. As husbands and fathers, this could be the greatest work of our lives. To see those around us as priceless works of God, it makes for a good investment, to pour our lives into them, to build them up. And that’s the work of “the blessing”. Otherwise, we stand as helpless knights in armor, watching the dragon attack our families, but unable to lift our swords. Or the pitcher with the golden arm, who never steps onto the field. Or the Porsche owner, who never makes it past Krogers. We were meant for more than that.

2007-08-29T08:30:00.000-04:00

Being somewhat pragmatic, I feel very strongly about this issue. Ok, that’s an understatement – I get very emotional about this issue. Just over 3,000 American civilians have died in the past decade due to terrorism, the overwhelming majority of those on 9/11. We lose that many to cancer EVERY 48 HOURS. That’s right – the threat from two days of cancer equals ten years of terrorism. Moreover, the death loss to three days of cancer matches our nation’s entire history of loss to terrorism.

Which do you think is the bigger threat?

Hypothetically speaking, I know if China or Russia launched a nuclear attack on the US (what else could cause such catostrophic death rates – 550,000 killed EVERY year?), we would be out of Iraq in a heartbeat. There would be no debate, as we would unanimously point to the numbers and agree our priorities lie elsewhere. Is it about time we give the same objective view to cancer?

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not a Bush-basher or a nay-sayer; for me, this is much more about the war on cancer than it is about the war on terrorism. True, terrorism is a monster to deal with; but while terrorism is nipping at the heal, cancer has entirely consumed the other leg.

NEWSWEEK: A 'Surge' in the War on Cancer?
by Jonathan Alter

Aug. 27, 2007 - Presidential campaigns are not just about winning, they’re about putting big ideas on the national agenda. Even though some candidates were elsewhere, that happened Monday at Lance Armstrong’s Livestrong Presidential Cancer Forum in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

The four Democrats who showed up (the Republicans come Tuesday) all committed themselves to at least doubling the $5 billion spent annually for cancer research—in other words, to backing a “surge” in the long-neglected war on cancer. Considering that cancer kills 550,000 Americans a year (that’s 1,500 a day—the leading cause of death for those under 85), it’s about time. As Bill Richardson said, “it's pathetic” that we now spend the same in two weeks in Iraq as we spend all year fighting cancer.

Hillary Clinton, John Edwards, and Dennis Kucinich were also convincing in explaining how they would use the power of the presidency to change national priorities. “That money needs to come home,” Clinton said, and end the “stalemate” in the war on cancer. “It’s a moral obligation.” Edwards took note of the millions of people with cancer who don’t have the advantages he and his wife Elizabeth enjoy. They lose all their money, he said, on top of getting sick. But even the Edwardses cannot read their incomprehensible medical bills. And Edwards, along with the other candidates, believes that insurance companies often limit necessary treatment. He also noted that only two in 10 proposals for cancer research get funded these days. This is driving young reseachers out of oncology toward other fields, dramatically slowing the search for cures. Until recently, when cancer budgets were cut by President Bush, it was five of 10.

There was a passion to the event that will no doubt be obliterated by the news about Alberto Gonzales. That’s too bad. But Armstrong, who co-moderated with Chris Matthews of MSNBC, can take comfort in the fact that the marker has been laid down. Every candidate will now be asked: Do you favor doubling the funding for cancer research? And if not, to what better use would you put that money?

Ultimately, politicians are forced to deal with the real issues in people’s lives. With cancer touching every family in the country, we may be seeing the beginning of new priorities in the big tent of American politics.

© 2007 Newsweek, Inc.

The Lord was with him...

2007-08-21T12:51:00.000-04:00

We're all familiar with the story of Joseph, the original Cinderella, who endured so much in Egypt until he was elevated to the palace (Genesis 37-42). But the one thing that always disappointed me about that story was the absence of any communication from God to Joseph. At least, we have no record of it. To think of all the hardship that Joseph endured above his peers and forefathers, to be sold as a slave, then cast wrongfully into prison, all the while keeping the faith: and yet God never rewarded him with direct communication? This struck me as so odd.
Then I heard my pastor this Sunday morning raise up a great point about Joseph's story: each of his times of great trial (when he was a slave and when he was in prison) start the same way: "And the Lord was with Joseph" (Gen 39:2 & 39:21)

Stop the tape. That's it. I don't know what all that implied, if it meant a daily conversation with the Almighty, a visible manifestation, or what, but I do know this: during those terrible times, Joseph had what we all so greatly long for, to experience the presence of God Himself. How wonderful. During those times when we and the rest of the world looked down on him and shook our heads with pity, he was at the height of human experience. The LORD was with him. With him. While mopping floors, while cleaning horse dung, and while cleaning up messes in the prison. God was with him. How wonderful.

But that raises the question: what would we give up to be with the LORD? If given the choice of living in wealth and comfort, without the Lord, or living in poverty and neglect, with HIS presence, what would we choose?

Most of us would struggle with that, and in honesty, probably give an answer that would leave us with a lifetime of questioning and regret. "Where is God when I need Him?" "Why do I feel so alone, so dry?" Perhaps, it is because God is back in that prison, back mopping those floors.

Now I'm not saying anyone should sell their homes or cars, but it's still a challenging thought: what do we value more, God's presence or our comfort?

2007-08-15T13:18:00.000-04:00

I am reading through John Eldredge's book "The Way of the Wild Heart", and the farther I get into it, the more it grabs a hold of my soul. Extending on his book "Wild at Heart", Eldredge digs farther into the male heart, laying it all out bare as I've never seen before. He writes to fathers learning how to lead their sons into classic manhood, at the same time explaining how to find for ourselves the manhood that so few of us were led into. It's an fascinating topic, that completely shatters the visage of overgrown Peter Pan boys you see on TV, and that we are so readily led to believe.

I just finished a chapter talking about the "Vision Quest" year he led his 13-year-old son through, a time of growth and initiation into manhood, ending with a ceremony. The ceremony, like the year leading up to it, involves a group of men, close friends, with whom the boy has seen adventure and learned lessons of true manhood, speaking encouragement and conviction into his heart & soul.

His narrative just thrills my soul, as I think of the adventure to come with raising my own son, pouring into his life and teaching him what manhood is about. This concept, of intentionally teaching your son about manhood, is something I never had growing up, and wish I had learned years ago. But I am so excited to be learning about this while Josh is still young. So much to learn, so much to do. The adventure of life just keeps getting better.

One common thread through this, which rings true with the lessons I've had to learn the hard way, is that good parenting is more about investing, than molding. Invest in the child, pour into them, rather than focusing on just behavior or forcing them into a mold of what you envision. God's vision is so much bigger than ours.

Night Fishing

2007-08-12T19:15:00.000-04:00

Silent Bugs

2007-08-11T16:08:00.000-04:00

One of the hardest bugs to fix in software is the "silent" bug: a bug that produces the wrong results, but does not provide any information about exactly *where* things went wrong in the code. And in most business applications, that leaves you with thousands of lines of code to sift through; the veritable "needle in a haystack". But it does not need to be that way: a simple coding technique is to wrap each function with something we call a "try/catch" block, which allows the function encountering the problem to tell the world, "Hey! It's me! Look here! I'm the guy with the problem!" That little technique makes a world of difference in tracking down bugs.

Now, if you are not a software geek, you're probably wondering what the significance of that is. Well, I'm finding more and more of life is like that. When we do not anticipate the problems in life (the ones we KNOW will come), we don't tend to handle them well. We bury them, hide them, and/or just ignore them. HOPING they will somehow just "go away". And like a software developer, a simple philosophy goes a long way to dealing with that: "Yeah, I know problems are going to happen, so here is how I will handle them when they do."

We see the same issue played out on the national level. How did the U.S. do so much better than the Soviet Union? Both started out with revolutionary concepts that, on paper, sounded good, but had yet to be fully played out on the national level. And, as history books show us, one went on to be the leading world superpower, while the other struggled with corruption and fundamental flaws throughout it's existence. What's the difference? I'm sure historians could give lots of answers, but I would propose one major factor: American forefathers *anticipated* things going wrong, of corruption and tyranny. In fact, it horrified them. Hence, the balance of powers, written into the fabric of our government (congress vs. executive vs. judicial). They did not know who would lead the country 200 years after them, but they wanted to make sure that person could not be a tyrant. On the other hand, the communists were fully optimistic that their system would bring out the best in people. Few, if any, safeguards were written into their system. They simply did not anticipate tyranny...and that is just what they got. Had they PLANNED for things to go wrong (i.e. power corruption), and planned for ways to deal with that (balance of power), who knows how different the world would be today.

Now bring it back down to the personal level: we men, like programs and nations, are subject to flaws. And unfortunately, we are often the last to realize it. After all, we make our choices, and who wants to go second-guessing their every move? That's fine, but we also need to be cognizant both of our flaws, and our own tendency to overlook them. That's why it is important to be sensitive when red flags are raised by objective parties. And who does that better for us married men, than our wives. They may have their own flaws, but they also have an uncanny ability to see ours a mile away. With incredible accuracy, too.

Or maybe for you that person is a friend, or a parent, or a brother. Regardless of who it is, we all need to be aware and cognizant of our own humanity. We need to be very cautious before disregarding the warnings of those around us who care for our wellbeing. That little change in viewpoint can make a world of difference in how you handle problems when they arise, whether they are quickly dealt with, or if they become long-term bugs in our system.

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye
and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
How can you say to your brother,
'Let me take the speck out of your eye,'
when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?
You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye,
and then you will see clearly to remove
the speck from your brother's eye."

Matthew 7:3-5 (NIV)

2007-08-09T10:17:00.000-04:00

The conflict in Iraq is more than just a thorn in the side of our country, it is a struggle in the soul and moral conscience of our nation. We have been faced with what may be the most intractible question of our century. As a democracy, we are a community that debates issues and takes sides. But I think we perhaps go too far: we pick a corner (hawk or dove) and defend our points vigorously...but we would be better served to keep questioning the issues, and our stance on them. We learn more by considering the arguments of our opponent, than by debating them.

Some questions to consider:

Is this a conflict that can be won by force?

What are the conditions that we will leave Iraq?

What would become of the millions of western-supporting Iraquis if we left?

What would become of the Christians in Iraq if we left?

Is this a conflict that can be won by the military? If not, what is the purpose of the military?

Is this a conflict that can be won at all?

How do we define success?

At what point would we say the cost is not worth it?

If we leave, what will fill the vacuum?

If we left, could the militant radicals build a government, or are they merely agents of chaos and intimidation?

Sadam Hussein was able to keep them at bay with an iron fist. Could another strong ruler/tyrant (i.e. another Sadam Hussein) fill in that void?

If we had to choose, what would be worse - tyrrany or chaos?

Is there anything that would be worth the ongoing cost of American blood? Is there anything our generation feels that strong about?

How many Iraquis lives are worth one American life?

Tough questions...

Today is the First Day of the Rest of Your Life

2007-08-05T17:54:00.000-04:00

And so it begins. God has been so good to me, giving me a new life, forming a new family from the brokenness & pain of loss, and bringing healing and laughter to our home. In light of these life changes, I thought it would only be appropriate for me to start a new blog.

I'm afraid I won't be able to update it as often as I did in the past (having a family of six under the roof keeps one busy), but I do get restless on occasion to scratch down some thoughts from time to time.

That's all for now - God bless!

Wayne