Long story, but I recently started a new website called saltwaterdesign.net, and will be hosting my blog on that site going forward. See soultalk.saltwaterdesign.net.
Wayne
Monday, May 26, 2014
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Of Idols and Old Vines
Like most people, I've known my own share of griefs and pains. Most in the past, a few more recently. One painful area of my life is something many parents out there will be able to relate to: a child who has made difficult choices in life and has gone astray. I never knew a parent's heart could be so tied up in the well-being of their child, or that I could feel such strong emotion, but at times I do.
I have known for years that my family can be an "idol" for me and I knew that was part of the problem. Our pastor, Crawford Loritz, defined an idol as anything which provides us more satisfaction, peace, or fulfillment than God. But with so much pain from suffering losses over the past 12 years, I never could trace that understanding back to freedom or healing. Then on Friday morning I was thinking about it again, and on a whim, drew an idol on paper, not unlike what you might see in an ancient, foreign temple. It was an bizarre figure, with the head of an elephant, body of a man, and snake-like hands. It struck me as repugnant to look at, but I expect would fit right in for a conventional idol worshiper. I thought back to how many millions must have bowed down to such idols over the centuries whenever their farms suffered in a famine, enemies drew near, or a loved one was ill, and it struck me that much the same passions drove those people that drive us today. Tying my thoughts of my struggles to that, it started to become more "real". So I wrote "My daughter idol" under the image. It wasn't that I worshiped my daughter (or this crude little image), but in reality, with my anguish and emotional turmoil, I had decided deep down inside that I could only have peace, contentment and fulfillment if my daughter was safe at home and living a healthy/productive life. Yes, of course it is fine and good to want the best for one's children and we should pray daily for them. But I realized that I had turned my "wants" into "demands": "Unless I get X, Y, and Z, I will not...CAN not be happy, content or at peace." (I know, it sounds like a kid having a tantrum when I put it so bluntly…) God had answered "No" to that prayer (for now at least), but that just made my prayers became more emotional and pained. In my heart, I could see how the idol had taken on a life of their own, and become intertwined with "needs". But looking at that image I had drawn on paper, I felt a repulsion at what I was doing (expecting that something other than God could provide peace and contentment) and started to separate the idol from the need. I thought of my daughter, and the pain I feel given some circumstances she is in. Yes, I do love her and will work to help her in whatever way is possible and appropriate… but I do not need for her to be safe and at home. I only need God and what He provides. And so on…
Looking at the image on paper, and focusing on the concept of separating the idol from the truth, I was able to tear out the emotional pain and angst. I was reminded of tearing old vines off of trees, the kind that have grown so large, thick and bark-like that they seem to become one with the tree. But when you pull them off (separation), you see them as they are: parasites trying to take over the tree. So it was with my idols. Drawing them on paper made it clear to me what I was doing: turning to something other than God. And when I stopped placing these demands on God, or looking elsewhere for my peace and satisfaction, I was able to see Jesus, my risen savior, more clearly, and worship Him more freely.
And then it came...that "peace that passes all understanding". By letting go of what I most wanted, I obtained what I most needed.
It was a powerful revelation for me, but I'm old enough to know that true healing/growth is a process, and this will have to be worked out over time. Since then I have drawn a few more gnarly looking idols, each one as repugnant as the first, as I recognized more things that had placed demands on my heart. And with each one, I again work through the exercise of separating the want/demand from the truth, and as I cast down the idol, I found new freedom to worship God.
So that is what God is showing me right now. The battles have not gone away, and none of the "facts on the ground" have changed, but I feel much more hopeful and peaceful than I have felt in a long time.
I have known for years that my family can be an "idol" for me and I knew that was part of the problem. Our pastor, Crawford Loritz, defined an idol as anything which provides us more satisfaction, peace, or fulfillment than God. But with so much pain from suffering losses over the past 12 years, I never could trace that understanding back to freedom or healing. Then on Friday morning I was thinking about it again, and on a whim, drew an idol on paper, not unlike what you might see in an ancient, foreign temple. It was an bizarre figure, with the head of an elephant, body of a man, and snake-like hands. It struck me as repugnant to look at, but I expect would fit right in for a conventional idol worshiper. I thought back to how many millions must have bowed down to such idols over the centuries whenever their farms suffered in a famine, enemies drew near, or a loved one was ill, and it struck me that much the same passions drove those people that drive us today. Tying my thoughts of my struggles to that, it started to become more "real". So I wrote "My daughter idol" under the image. It wasn't that I worshiped my daughter (or this crude little image), but in reality, with my anguish and emotional turmoil, I had decided deep down inside that I could only have peace, contentment and fulfillment if my daughter was safe at home and living a healthy/productive life. Yes, of course it is fine and good to want the best for one's children and we should pray daily for them. But I realized that I had turned my "wants" into "demands": "Unless I get X, Y, and Z, I will not...CAN not be happy, content or at peace." (I know, it sounds like a kid having a tantrum when I put it so bluntly…) God had answered "No" to that prayer (for now at least), but that just made my prayers became more emotional and pained. In my heart, I could see how the idol had taken on a life of their own, and become intertwined with "needs". But looking at that image I had drawn on paper, I felt a repulsion at what I was doing (expecting that something other than God could provide peace and contentment) and started to separate the idol from the need. I thought of my daughter, and the pain I feel given some circumstances she is in. Yes, I do love her and will work to help her in whatever way is possible and appropriate… but I do not need for her to be safe and at home. I only need God and what He provides. And so on…
Looking at the image on paper, and focusing on the concept of separating the idol from the truth, I was able to tear out the emotional pain and angst. I was reminded of tearing old vines off of trees, the kind that have grown so large, thick and bark-like that they seem to become one with the tree. But when you pull them off (separation), you see them as they are: parasites trying to take over the tree. So it was with my idols. Drawing them on paper made it clear to me what I was doing: turning to something other than God. And when I stopped placing these demands on God, or looking elsewhere for my peace and satisfaction, I was able to see Jesus, my risen savior, more clearly, and worship Him more freely.
And then it came...that "peace that passes all understanding". By letting go of what I most wanted, I obtained what I most needed.
It was a powerful revelation for me, but I'm old enough to know that true healing/growth is a process, and this will have to be worked out over time. Since then I have drawn a few more gnarly looking idols, each one as repugnant as the first, as I recognized more things that had placed demands on my heart. And with each one, I again work through the exercise of separating the want/demand from the truth, and as I cast down the idol, I found new freedom to worship God.
So that is what God is showing me right now. The battles have not gone away, and none of the "facts on the ground" have changed, but I feel much more hopeful and peaceful than I have felt in a long time.
"Remember these things...for you are my servant...I have made you, you are my servant; O Israel, I will not forget you. I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you." Isaiah 44:21-22
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