Shhhh! Secret about Christmas...

We have two writers in the family. Gana is about to do her first posting...


From Gana:

I need to let you in on a secret happening at our house this Christmas. In blending two families, there are always challenges, and in our case, we had two children who loved making a Christmas list with size, color, and price noted... and two children who preferred everything under our tree being a surprise. Last year we did what each individual child was used to... but this year we are shaking it up.

In early December we made a big song and dance about Christmas being (*sigh*) smaller this year. We let them know that they would have $ 30 each for presents (gasp! horror!)... so we were going to let THEM pick out their Christmas presents, to be sure they got what they REALLY wanted with the limited dollars. We held our breaths, with only one child shreiking at the small dollar amount. The other three cheered when they heard the rest of the plan. A parent would take an individual child out on a personal date, EVERY weekend between then and Christmas, to let them shop at the store(s) of their choice, until the $ 30 was used up. They could choose to spend it all on one gift, or divide it up in any way they chose. So a shopping mission began, with great results. We watched and listened as the kids bargained with themselves outloud while shopping... "Hmmm... I really love this, but I think I could get it for a better price at x-y-z", etc. We secretly smiled as they fit within the parameters of what they didn't realize was just one part of "the game".

Journey was an excellent shopper, but (politely) grumbled that it takes the fun out of Christmas when you already know what you will be unwrapping. She did a really good job with spreading her dollars around, and is pleased with what she picked out, but... she's not sure this was all such a good idea.

Sable hemmed and hawed about making decisions, and finally asked on one of our "dates", if she could spend her $ 30 on the other three kids. I questioned to be sure she understood that that meant she wouldn't have gifts to open (she doesn't know the rest of the game), and she assured me that she knew that, and still wanted to spend her money "giving". So we let her. She was getting the real meaning of "giving" --- and sacrificing self in the process. But in the few weeks since, Sable has quietly asked if next year, we can go back to the "old way", of Christmas gifts being a surprise. Her reason? Because you don't get the same feeling of LOVE, when you pick out your own gifts, as you do when people take the time to pick things that they think you will like. My heart smiled at that one. (And lest you feel too much pity, realize that this is our "hoarding" child, who has massive amounts of money saved up from her allowance and extra chores! I think she's actually having pity on the other poor children in our house who don't know how to save...!)

SO!!! To tell you the rest of the story, the kids will be opening their self-selected presents on Christmas Eve, after we do the last candle on our advent wreath, with us using the story that Christmas morning will be too rushed for present opening, with having to get Journey to the airport. They will also open the small gifts that they bought/made for each other on Christmas Eve. And we will pretend like, Whew! We did it! Wasn't that a success! --- and let them watch a classic Christmas movie, before we go to midnight mass. What they don't know is... Christmas morning they will find their stocking filled, and the first of several scavenger hunt notes, that will lead them all over the house to find (surprise!) more presents that we were secretly buying on the side.

Once the whooping and hollering and running from floor to floor "hunting" is over, and the trash is once again gathered... we are going to have a chat about the real meaning of Christmas. What parts they liked about picking their own presents, what part they didn't like. How did they feel Christmas Eve when the "smaller" Christmas was over. Was their heart content and happy, when we had smaller amounts of presents, but wonderful food, wonderful family time, with the evening ending with Christmas Eve mass? What was it like Christmas morning when something totally unexpected happened? When it was bigger and better than what they went to bed content with the night before. Then we will talk about how so many times we settle in life for what is on OUR "list"... when what God has planned for us is so much bigger and better. And His plans will sometimes lead us around in crazy ways (like a scavenger hunt), where we can't help but question what He is up to... but it's part of His plan. He's carefully moving chess pieces to put us exactly where He needs us. Or as some have stated it, weaving a tapestry in our life, and all we can see is the underside with the mess of knots and blur of colors that look inside-out. But when it's all revealed --- we will be so thrilled that we trusted Him enough to follow the crazy twists and turns.

So our Christmas is a bit shaken up this year, and this of course won't work "next year", because the kids will already know the secret. So we'll have to get creative again. But just wanted you to know that the (shock! horror!) limited budget the kids might quote to you for our Christmas is actually a farce. And any concern the kids show about how terrible it is to have to pick out your own gifts... that's exactly where we want them to be... :)

Hope you have a merry time of your own this weekend and coming week, as you celebrate our Saviour's birth! Gana

On being a photographer for an all-girl rock band

Journey and her friends at school decided to form an all-girl rock band that they named "Star Girls". Not that any of them actually play instruments, but they've got this dream and, well, they have stars in their eyes. And they are dreaming big. Think of major rock concerts across the country, and you're getting there.

Joshua, being a boy of course, is not in the "Star Girls". But he is an amateur photographer, having gotten his own "starter camera" on his last birthday. He offered to be the offical photographer for Star Girls for 1 cent per week. Mind you, that's $1 for a two year contract, which I consider to be very reasonable, if not tantamount to slave labor. But Journey is a shrewd businesswoman and would have nothing of it. If the Star Girls were not yet receiving any money for their hard efforts, why should they fork over a $1 every other year to Joshua?

Moreover, in order to even be considered for this prominent position, Josh had to pass a careful examination. We were driving in the car as I overheard this, so I happened to get all the juicy details. I have to admit, I was amazed and ever so proud of my boy for ACING this test. I am including the questions, along with the answers, for the benefit of anyone out there who is also considering a career as photographer for an all-girl rock band. Consider this a freebie.

1. What do you do if you are in the middle of videotaping a live performance, and you have to go to the bathroom:
   a) Stop taping and go to the bathroom
   b) Leave the camera running while you quickly slip away and come back so nothing gets lost
   c) Tell them to stop the performance.
   * Correct answer: (b)
   
2. The girls are late for a concert and they haven't come out of their dressing room yet. What do you do? a) Just wait outside to see when they come out b) POLITELY knock on the door and remind them of the time c) Bang on the door and rudely tell them they have to come out now
   * Correct answer: (b)
   
3. While filming a concert, you realize one of star girls has a big zit on her face. What do you do?
   a) Zoom in the camera on her zit
   b) Get shots of everything else in the concert, but excluding that one girl completely.
   c) Play it cool and videotape everything like nothing is unusual
   * Correct answer: (c)
   
4. You need to give a message to someone in the dressing room but the door is closed. What do you do?
   a) You enter the room with your hand covering your eyes.
   b) You knock on the door and POLITELY announce that there is a message waiting for so-and-so
   c) You go back to doing what you were doing, KNOWING you will probably forget the message
   * Correct answer: (b)
   
5. What do you do between concert performances?
   a) Go bowling
   b) Get eat a meal at the restaurant
   c) Go to the bathroom and get freshened up, ready for the next performance
   * Correct answer: (c)
   

Going Out!

Tonight is date night. We celebrate our first anniversary in a couple of days, so tonight we're locking the kids in the closet and going out for fun. ;-)

Cinematic Grief

After you've been through the experience of losing a spouse, you become much more cognizant of how grief is reflected in our culture. Take for instance country music. You may remember hearing some sad ballads from that genre, but ask any widow/er and they will rattle off twenty country song titles that explicitely deal with the death of a lover. And now two movies have come out this holiday season that hit on this topic: Grace is Gone and PS - I Love You. I have not seen either yet, and know I will probably need to bring a box of tissues if I do go see them, but they sound worth it.


The trailer for "Grace is Gone" had me riveted from the start. Unlike "PS...", this one is clearly more dramatic, and brings back one of our favorite stars from the eighties: John Cusack. This movie is about the husband of a female soldier who discovers she was killed in Iraq, and now has the burden of delivering the news to their daughters. Unable to tell them directly, he takes them on a cross-country road trip with the stated goal of visiting a favorite theme park, but an unspoken goal of finding a way to tell them the bad news.
With this movie, John Cusack jumps to my short list of favorite actors. His eyes seem to convey so much in the brief scenes of the trailer, and you can tell his heart was really into this movie. There were three snapshots from the trailer that really jumped out:

• An early scene shows two army officers arriving at his doorstep, in what is a well recognized scene for our culture. I imagine this must be a regular fixture in the nightmares of every military spouse, and you can see the instant recognition in his eyes.
• Another scene shows him calling his home phone from a hotel while they are on the road, to hear his wife's voice as a prompting for a spontaneous grief session.
• And what appears to be the final scene, showing Cusack sitting on the beach, flanked by his two daughters. Again, his eyes tell it all.

The other movie, P.S. I Love You, is a more lighthearted look at another side of grief. In this story, a widow is surprised to receive a number of messages from her lost husband. He was a cancer victim, but as it turns out he had enough wits about him to devise a plan for supporting his wife, even after he was gone. Watching the trailer should tell you enough of the story. Unlike "Grace", this movie takes a more lighthearted, and even funny, look at grief. An instant chick-flick, this one looks like it quickly transitions into a romantic comedy.

Most people reading this already know that the grief theme is familiar ground for me, having been widowed back in 2005. And most people also know I am now coming up on the first anniversary of marriage to a wonderful gal named Gana. Having this fresh new chapter in my life, grief is largely a fixture of my past, and I try to keep it there most of the time. But those few times when the monster rears it's ugly head, Gana is nothing but supportive. She herself lost a sister twelve years ago, so she is familiar with the territory. I could not ask for a more kind and understanding wife. At first I thought the movie "Grace Is Gone" would be a bit too up-front for me (especially with the combined elements of children & grief), but when I told Gana about it, she decided we needed to see it together. It looks like it will be a GREAT movie. I'll just have to bring along my box of tissues. ;-)