Cinematic Grief

After you've been through the experience of losing a spouse, you become much more cognizant of how grief is reflected in our culture. Take for instance country music. You may remember hearing some sad ballads from that genre, but ask any widow/er and they will rattle off twenty country song titles that explicitely deal with the death of a lover. And now two movies have come out this holiday season that hit on this topic: Grace is Gone and PS - I Love You. I have not seen either yet, and know I will probably need to bring a box of tissues if I do go see them, but they sound worth it.


The trailer for "Grace is Gone" had me riveted from the start. Unlike "PS...", this one is clearly more dramatic, and brings back one of our favorite stars from the eighties: John Cusack. This movie is about the husband of a female soldier who discovers she was killed in Iraq, and now has the burden of delivering the news to their daughters. Unable to tell them directly, he takes them on a cross-country road trip with the stated goal of visiting a favorite theme park, but an unspoken goal of finding a way to tell them the bad news.
With this movie, John Cusack jumps to my short list of favorite actors. His eyes seem to convey so much in the brief scenes of the trailer, and you can tell his heart was really into this movie. There were three snapshots from the trailer that really jumped out:

• An early scene shows two army officers arriving at his doorstep, in what is a well recognized scene for our culture. I imagine this must be a regular fixture in the nightmares of every military spouse, and you can see the instant recognition in his eyes.
• Another scene shows him calling his home phone from a hotel while they are on the road, to hear his wife's voice as a prompting for a spontaneous grief session.
• And what appears to be the final scene, showing Cusack sitting on the beach, flanked by his two daughters. Again, his eyes tell it all.

The other movie, P.S. I Love You, is a more lighthearted look at another side of grief. In this story, a widow is surprised to receive a number of messages from her lost husband. He was a cancer victim, but as it turns out he had enough wits about him to devise a plan for supporting his wife, even after he was gone. Watching the trailer should tell you enough of the story. Unlike "Grace", this movie takes a more lighthearted, and even funny, look at grief. An instant chick-flick, this one looks like it quickly transitions into a romantic comedy.

Most people reading this already know that the grief theme is familiar ground for me, having been widowed back in 2005. And most people also know I am now coming up on the first anniversary of marriage to a wonderful gal named Gana. Having this fresh new chapter in my life, grief is largely a fixture of my past, and I try to keep it there most of the time. But those few times when the monster rears it's ugly head, Gana is nothing but supportive. She herself lost a sister twelve years ago, so she is familiar with the territory. I could not ask for a more kind and understanding wife. At first I thought the movie "Grace Is Gone" would be a bit too up-front for me (especially with the combined elements of children & grief), but when I told Gana about it, she decided we needed to see it together. It looks like it will be a GREAT movie. I'll just have to bring along my box of tissues. ;-)