Will I?

This is one video you have to see. The song comes from the Broadway play "Rent", and although I can not recommend the play, this one piece of it is a gem. The setting for the song is an AIDS support group. From what I've read, the idea for the song came from an HIV support meeting a few years ago where a man stood up and said, "I'm not afraid of dying -- I'm ready for that. I just want to know this: Will I lose my dignity?"



Wow. It just takes my breath away. Not that I've been in that immediate circle (dealing with AIDS), but having gone through the dark valley of cancer with my father and my first wife, I recognize those heart-stopping moments when you struggle with fundamental questions that you never thought you would be asking.

Many of us may not be able to relate to Aids, but none of us are immune to the big life-challenging illnesses (whether cancer, diabetes, ALS or whatever). Even if we do not face them directly, odds are someone close to us eventually will. They all have a way of eradicating walls that otherwise would never come down. You will probably never find yourself in an AIDS support group, but you very well may one day be asking yourself, "Will I lose my dignity?"

For some, the answer to that question is a painful one. I've watched this process slowly unravel the worlds of my father, and then my first wife, Ida, as everything they felt important slipped from their fingers. For everyone, the "Will I...?" questions are different, but they all have that same heartwrenching feel to them. Will I lose my health? Will I lose my career? Can I continue homeschooling my children? Will I see my children grow up?

And when all the things we clutch on to so tightly in life have been peeled away, one by one, all that's left in the end is God. At that moment, we start to realize what a sacrifice Jesus made to leave the glory of heaven, to find himself cold and bereft of comfort in a humble manger. Knowing that the cross lay ahead of Him. When everything that was important to us is gone, all that is left is Him. Some get angry and shake their fist at Him, while others run into His embrace.
And what about us? While life is good and the days are sweet? When we still can hold on to those we love and reach for our dreams... Can we appreciate Jesus during these times? Can we appreciate His sacrifice for us? While we may not have to ask the "Will I...?" questions, He did.

"For the love of Christ compels us, because we judge thus: that if One died for all, then all died; and He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again." 2 Cor 5:14-15