Shhhh! Secret about Christmas...

We have two writers in the family. Gana is about to do her first posting...


From Gana:

I need to let you in on a secret happening at our house this Christmas. In blending two families, there are always challenges, and in our case, we had two children who loved making a Christmas list with size, color, and price noted... and two children who preferred everything under our tree being a surprise. Last year we did what each individual child was used to... but this year we are shaking it up.

In early December we made a big song and dance about Christmas being (*sigh*) smaller this year. We let them know that they would have $ 30 each for presents (gasp! horror!)... so we were going to let THEM pick out their Christmas presents, to be sure they got what they REALLY wanted with the limited dollars. We held our breaths, with only one child shreiking at the small dollar amount. The other three cheered when they heard the rest of the plan. A parent would take an individual child out on a personal date, EVERY weekend between then and Christmas, to let them shop at the store(s) of their choice, until the $ 30 was used up. They could choose to spend it all on one gift, or divide it up in any way they chose. So a shopping mission began, with great results. We watched and listened as the kids bargained with themselves outloud while shopping... "Hmmm... I really love this, but I think I could get it for a better price at x-y-z", etc. We secretly smiled as they fit within the parameters of what they didn't realize was just one part of "the game".

Journey was an excellent shopper, but (politely) grumbled that it takes the fun out of Christmas when you already know what you will be unwrapping. She did a really good job with spreading her dollars around, and is pleased with what she picked out, but... she's not sure this was all such a good idea.

Sable hemmed and hawed about making decisions, and finally asked on one of our "dates", if she could spend her $ 30 on the other three kids. I questioned to be sure she understood that that meant she wouldn't have gifts to open (she doesn't know the rest of the game), and she assured me that she knew that, and still wanted to spend her money "giving". So we let her. She was getting the real meaning of "giving" --- and sacrificing self in the process. But in the few weeks since, Sable has quietly asked if next year, we can go back to the "old way", of Christmas gifts being a surprise. Her reason? Because you don't get the same feeling of LOVE, when you pick out your own gifts, as you do when people take the time to pick things that they think you will like. My heart smiled at that one. (And lest you feel too much pity, realize that this is our "hoarding" child, who has massive amounts of money saved up from her allowance and extra chores! I think she's actually having pity on the other poor children in our house who don't know how to save...!)

SO!!! To tell you the rest of the story, the kids will be opening their self-selected presents on Christmas Eve, after we do the last candle on our advent wreath, with us using the story that Christmas morning will be too rushed for present opening, with having to get Journey to the airport. They will also open the small gifts that they bought/made for each other on Christmas Eve. And we will pretend like, Whew! We did it! Wasn't that a success! --- and let them watch a classic Christmas movie, before we go to midnight mass. What they don't know is... Christmas morning they will find their stocking filled, and the first of several scavenger hunt notes, that will lead them all over the house to find (surprise!) more presents that we were secretly buying on the side.

Once the whooping and hollering and running from floor to floor "hunting" is over, and the trash is once again gathered... we are going to have a chat about the real meaning of Christmas. What parts they liked about picking their own presents, what part they didn't like. How did they feel Christmas Eve when the "smaller" Christmas was over. Was their heart content and happy, when we had smaller amounts of presents, but wonderful food, wonderful family time, with the evening ending with Christmas Eve mass? What was it like Christmas morning when something totally unexpected happened? When it was bigger and better than what they went to bed content with the night before. Then we will talk about how so many times we settle in life for what is on OUR "list"... when what God has planned for us is so much bigger and better. And His plans will sometimes lead us around in crazy ways (like a scavenger hunt), where we can't help but question what He is up to... but it's part of His plan. He's carefully moving chess pieces to put us exactly where He needs us. Or as some have stated it, weaving a tapestry in our life, and all we can see is the underside with the mess of knots and blur of colors that look inside-out. But when it's all revealed --- we will be so thrilled that we trusted Him enough to follow the crazy twists and turns.

So our Christmas is a bit shaken up this year, and this of course won't work "next year", because the kids will already know the secret. So we'll have to get creative again. But just wanted you to know that the (shock! horror!) limited budget the kids might quote to you for our Christmas is actually a farce. And any concern the kids show about how terrible it is to have to pick out your own gifts... that's exactly where we want them to be... :)

Hope you have a merry time of your own this weekend and coming week, as you celebrate our Saviour's birth! Gana

On being a photographer for an all-girl rock band

Journey and her friends at school decided to form an all-girl rock band that they named "Star Girls". Not that any of them actually play instruments, but they've got this dream and, well, they have stars in their eyes. And they are dreaming big. Think of major rock concerts across the country, and you're getting there.

Joshua, being a boy of course, is not in the "Star Girls". But he is an amateur photographer, having gotten his own "starter camera" on his last birthday. He offered to be the offical photographer for Star Girls for 1 cent per week. Mind you, that's $1 for a two year contract, which I consider to be very reasonable, if not tantamount to slave labor. But Journey is a shrewd businesswoman and would have nothing of it. If the Star Girls were not yet receiving any money for their hard efforts, why should they fork over a $1 every other year to Joshua?

Moreover, in order to even be considered for this prominent position, Josh had to pass a careful examination. We were driving in the car as I overheard this, so I happened to get all the juicy details. I have to admit, I was amazed and ever so proud of my boy for ACING this test. I am including the questions, along with the answers, for the benefit of anyone out there who is also considering a career as photographer for an all-girl rock band. Consider this a freebie.

1. What do you do if you are in the middle of videotaping a live performance, and you have to go to the bathroom:
   a) Stop taping and go to the bathroom
   b) Leave the camera running while you quickly slip away and come back so nothing gets lost
   c) Tell them to stop the performance.
   * Correct answer: (b)
   
2. The girls are late for a concert and they haven't come out of their dressing room yet. What do you do? a) Just wait outside to see when they come out b) POLITELY knock on the door and remind them of the time c) Bang on the door and rudely tell them they have to come out now
   * Correct answer: (b)
   
3. While filming a concert, you realize one of star girls has a big zit on her face. What do you do?
   a) Zoom in the camera on her zit
   b) Get shots of everything else in the concert, but excluding that one girl completely.
   c) Play it cool and videotape everything like nothing is unusual
   * Correct answer: (c)
   
4. You need to give a message to someone in the dressing room but the door is closed. What do you do?
   a) You enter the room with your hand covering your eyes.
   b) You knock on the door and POLITELY announce that there is a message waiting for so-and-so
   c) You go back to doing what you were doing, KNOWING you will probably forget the message
   * Correct answer: (b)
   
5. What do you do between concert performances?
   a) Go bowling
   b) Get eat a meal at the restaurant
   c) Go to the bathroom and get freshened up, ready for the next performance
   * Correct answer: (c)
   

Going Out!

Tonight is date night. We celebrate our first anniversary in a couple of days, so tonight we're locking the kids in the closet and going out for fun. ;-)

Cinematic Grief

After you've been through the experience of losing a spouse, you become much more cognizant of how grief is reflected in our culture. Take for instance country music. You may remember hearing some sad ballads from that genre, but ask any widow/er and they will rattle off twenty country song titles that explicitely deal with the death of a lover. And now two movies have come out this holiday season that hit on this topic: Grace is Gone and PS - I Love You. I have not seen either yet, and know I will probably need to bring a box of tissues if I do go see them, but they sound worth it.


The trailer for "Grace is Gone" had me riveted from the start. Unlike "PS...", this one is clearly more dramatic, and brings back one of our favorite stars from the eighties: John Cusack. This movie is about the husband of a female soldier who discovers she was killed in Iraq, and now has the burden of delivering the news to their daughters. Unable to tell them directly, he takes them on a cross-country road trip with the stated goal of visiting a favorite theme park, but an unspoken goal of finding a way to tell them the bad news.
With this movie, John Cusack jumps to my short list of favorite actors. His eyes seem to convey so much in the brief scenes of the trailer, and you can tell his heart was really into this movie. There were three snapshots from the trailer that really jumped out:

• An early scene shows two army officers arriving at his doorstep, in what is a well recognized scene for our culture. I imagine this must be a regular fixture in the nightmares of every military spouse, and you can see the instant recognition in his eyes.
• Another scene shows him calling his home phone from a hotel while they are on the road, to hear his wife's voice as a prompting for a spontaneous grief session.
• And what appears to be the final scene, showing Cusack sitting on the beach, flanked by his two daughters. Again, his eyes tell it all.

The other movie, P.S. I Love You, is a more lighthearted look at another side of grief. In this story, a widow is surprised to receive a number of messages from her lost husband. He was a cancer victim, but as it turns out he had enough wits about him to devise a plan for supporting his wife, even after he was gone. Watching the trailer should tell you enough of the story. Unlike "Grace", this movie takes a more lighthearted, and even funny, look at grief. An instant chick-flick, this one looks like it quickly transitions into a romantic comedy.

Most people reading this already know that the grief theme is familiar ground for me, having been widowed back in 2005. And most people also know I am now coming up on the first anniversary of marriage to a wonderful gal named Gana. Having this fresh new chapter in my life, grief is largely a fixture of my past, and I try to keep it there most of the time. But those few times when the monster rears it's ugly head, Gana is nothing but supportive. She herself lost a sister twelve years ago, so she is familiar with the territory. I could not ask for a more kind and understanding wife. At first I thought the movie "Grace Is Gone" would be a bit too up-front for me (especially with the combined elements of children & grief), but when I told Gana about it, she decided we needed to see it together. It looks like it will be a GREAT movie. I'll just have to bring along my box of tissues. ;-)

Waterboarding

If you have been following the news lately, you have probably heard about a controversy called "waterboarding". The question is whether our government should be passing off prisoners in "temporary custody" to countries that engage in the practice of "waterboarding", something that has, up to now, been regarded as torture. Those in favor of the practice regard it as a "useful" way of extracting information from suspects. Those opposed to it are shocked that torture should be used ANYWHERE in the 21th century, much less in association with the United States of America.

Before we become comfortable with such a technique, we have to deal with a few points:

• The value of the end goal (saving lives from terrorism) needs to outweigh the cost (national integrity and moral standing in the international community). If we are willing to sacrifice our own virtue for that price, then what price are we willing to pay against the threats that will take MILLIONS of American lives (i.e. cancer)?
  
• By lowering the bar of how prisoners are treated, we need to accept and expect that our own military forces will be treated in this way by foreign countries. Granted, there are brutal enemies out there who have always been willing to torture and kill their prisoners, but those have always been just a few rag-tag extremists. Now we will be lowering the moral standard for civilized nations.
  
• We need to be prepared to deal with the consequences of such a policy. In the past, there have been some who have hated America because they viewed us as lazy and rich. Now a new breed will arise that hate us for torturing their fathers, uncles and neighbors. The net result will be trading a single prisoner in our custody for an unknown batch of terrorists out in hiding. Does this make us safer?

Read the following description of Waterboarding (taken from Wikipedia), and decide for yourself.

- Wayne

____________________________________

Waterboarding is a torture technique that simulates drowning in a controlled environment. It consists of immobilizing an individual on his or her back, with the head inclined downward, and pouring water over the face to force the inhalation of water into the lungs. Waterboarding has been used to obtain information, coerce confessions, punish, and intimidate. In contrast to merely submerging the head, waterboarding elicits the gag reflex, and can make the subject believe death is imminent. Waterboarding's use as a method of torture or means to support interrogation is based on its ability to cause extreme mental distress. The psychological effects on victims of waterboarding can last long after the procedure. Although waterboarding in cases can leave no lasting physical damage, it carries the real risks of extreme pain, damage to the lungs, brain damage caused by oxygen deprivation, injuries as a result of struggling against restraints (including broken bones), and even death.
Numerous experts have described this technique as torture. Some nations have also criminally prosecuted individuals for performing waterboarding, including the United States.
The practice garnered renewed attention and notoriety in September 2006, when further reports claim that the Bush administration had authorized the use of waterboarding on extrajudicial prisoners of the United States. ABC News reported that current and former CIA officers stated that "there is a presidential finding, signed in 2002, by President Bush, Condoleezza Rice and then-Attorney General John Ashcroft approving the 'enhanced' interrogation techniques, including water boarding." According to Republican United States Senator John McCain, who was tortured as a prisoner of war in North Vietnam, waterboarding is "torture", "no different than holding a pistol to his head and firing a blank" and can damage the subject's psyche "in ways that may never heal."

"Bob the Adulterer" for President

Prominent evangelical Christian leader Pat Robertson today announced support for presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani, proving that the Giuliani's patented mind control mechanism is indeed a grand success.

Reasons for Robertson's support of Giuliani:

• Giuliani is tough on terrorists
• Giuliani is tough on crime
• Giuliani is a fiscal conservative (meaning Pat's estate assets will be well taken care of)
  

What no longer seems to matter to Robertson:

• Giuliani is fine with the slaughter of millions of unborn Americans
• Giuliani is liberal on gay rights
• Giuliani was unfaithful to his marriage (Read: adulterer)

I have to wonder if this will sway more social conservatives towards Rudolf Giuliani...or away from Mr. Robertson. In Mr. Giuliani, we find a new alignment of political positions, that is neither Republican nor Democrat. It is merely expedient politics, that which will gain him the most votes on any given stand. Unecumbered by morals or convictions, Giuliani stands as the mirror opposite of a principled statesman. And now, the country knows where Pat Robertson stands as well.

Trivia for the day...did you know that if you Google "Giuliani" and "adultery", you get 173,000 hits?

High Infidelity: What if three admitted adulterers run for president and no one cares?, by Steve Benen

Giuliani Comes To Aid Of Accused Child Molester

The Betrayal of Marriage

The New Adultery Rules

Giuliani's new Republican Family Value: "ADULTERY" T-shirt

Peace in Ireland

It's easy to see the troubles in this world, perhaps too easy. I suppose it helps us cope with struggles in life, as our eyes focus on the challenges we need to deal with. But twenty years ago, who would have thought that Ireland would find peace and reconciliation? That instead of angry young men with guns and bombs, tourists would roam their streets....

Eileen Ivers is an Irish fiddle player, who has teamed up with Tommy Pipes (perhaps best known for being one of the original Blues Brothers). Their band, Immigrant Soul, has never been mainstream music, so you may not have heard it, but if you get a chance to, you are in for a treat.

Tommy has the most soulful deep voice, which is perfect with Eileen Iver's music. And as an Irish songwriter, Eileen hits on topics that have been big in Irish culture, including the struggles that country has been through. One song they perform beautifully together, Reconciliation, is an old remake, and it just plays across the soul. We all hope and pray the middle east will someday enjoy the fruits of such peace, although that may only come with the reign of our Messiah. In the meantime, let us celebrate with Ireland their hard won victory.

Reconciliation
(Ron Kavana)

When summertime has gone and autumn winds are threatening
To blow our love away 'tis then love will be tested
Arm in arm we'll stand, side by side together
To face the common foe who would tear our love asunder

All ye fairweather friends, where are you now we need you?
Gone like the Autumn rains on dark December mornings
When hard times come around like dark and stormy weather
There's only you and I, my love, to shelter one another

Now there's a time to fight and there's a time for healing
As the sun will melt the snow on clear bright April mornings
Our fight has run its course, now's the time for healing
So let us both embrace sweet reconciliation